I was lucky as a teenager. I missed the spots and acne that plagued so many of my contemporaries. Can’t say why, it just didn’t happen. They were all busting spots frantically, or being scarred for life along their necks and backs, and I just had a nice tan, and hay fever instead.
A life spent in a city, with traffic, smog, pollution, and fumes. Working all sorts of shifts, eating and sleeping erratically, stressed out like an over-tuned violin string. You would think that all of this would have played havoc with my skin. Smoking heavily, drinking lots of wine, and almost never enjoying fresh air and relaxation; surely the breeding ground for spots and associated blemishes? Apparently not.
Give up work and move to the countryside. Enjoy the freshest air you have ever known. Walk the fields and forests, stress free, and unworried by work and time commitments. Eat well, at a regular time, give up smoking, get proper sleep, and relax.
That is when the spots come.
At a time and an age when they were least expected, I woke up today with five, pulsing red spots around my face. It feels as if tiny beings are inside, trying to get out. They are glowing, like the landing lights of midget aircraft, throbbing like miniature bass speakers. My hygiene has never been better. I have probably never been cleaner, more relaxed, or less inclined to expect acne and spots. Yet here they are, parading proudly, visibly pulsing around various parts of my head.
Am I getting ‘teenage’ spots at the age of 60? If so, why? It is not that I have never had a spot. I have had some before of course. Just after beginning to wear reading glasses, one would occasionally appear across the bridge of my nose, and I don’t doubt that I had the occasional appearance on my bum, or on an unreachable part of my back. But I did not expect to start getting a crop of these on the face, at an age when I thought that I was done with all that stuff, and had begun to anticipate the possibility of far more serious medical conditions, waiting around the corner.
You don’t see anyone over the age of 21 on an advert for Clearasil, or any similar product. They are always worried teens, unable to go to the disco, or shopping with friends, until the wonder stuff clears up the problem almost overnight.
Perhaps they are missing a new market? Saggy-faced sexagenarians are the new spotty bastards. We need the creams and lotions that creep under spot capsules, and dry them out. We also need to know why it is happening. Please tell us.
What’s next? Unwanted erections on a bus? (I should be so lucky…)