These statistics are supplied by WordPress on your dashboard. Do you ever look at them, or give them a second thought, I wonder? For some reason, I looked at them properly today, for the first time. They make interesting, and often amusing reading. When people are searching the Internet, typing in their exact search requirement, they will possibly stumble across one of your posts, or your blog, simply by chance, as a keyword or phrase appears in something you have posted, and is exactly what they are after, or an approximation of it. Some of these have obvious connections. I posted about a man inserting a light bulb into himself, in one of my Ambulance stories. I now seem to feature in every Internet search for ‘anal insertion’, and there are a lot, believe me!

Early in my blogging venture, I wrote about ‘Going to the Pictures’, my experiences of Cinemas, in the 1960’s. There was a brief mention of Usherettes, and that was the end of it. However, it seems someone has a fascination with them, at least if daily searching is anything to go by. Recently, I have had; ‘Should Usherettes wear name tags?’ ‘Tired but happy Usherettes’, and ‘Usherettes’ Torches’. I have had a good think about this, and conclude that someone is writing a book about Usherettes, constantly searching on the Internet, for background, verifications, and new material. Either that, or there are a lot of people out there with a fixation on female Cinema workers.

Many of the most frequent searches concern my home village of Beetley. This is understandable, given the name of this blog. ‘Weather in Beetley’, ‘Transport in Beetley’, ‘House prices in Beetley’, are all common searches, and are to be expected. I also wrote about Norfolk being ‘The driest County in England.’ This was intended to be mildly sarcastic, as all I have known is rain, ever since I moved here, last March. This is something that is searched a staggering number of times. People everywhere seem to be trying to locate the driest place in England. Perhaps they want to live here, or are just worried about hosepipe bans, who knows? There are a hell of a lot of them though, according to WordPress.

The temptation is obvious. To write nonsensical posts about ridiculous, frivolous things, or something very cheeky, in the hope that the searchers will fall into my trap. I think my first one will go something like this; ‘Koala Bears found living in Norfolk, because Beetley is so dry, the houses are not too expensive, there are occasional buses, and it is home to lots of retired Usherettes who like to put things up their bums.’ That should do it, I reckon.