I was busy yesterday, so there was no ‘Thinking Aloud’ post on that Sunday. But I was thinking about something, nonetheless.
Every day without fail, I get one or two ‘sponsored’ emails on Gmail. For a long time now, the most regular one that appears is advertising ‘Funeral Plans by instalments’. This is often accompanied by others suggesting that I ‘Free up the equity’ in the house, so as to be able to give money to my children now, and save them having to wait until we are both dead.
Other favourites include offers of medications to ‘Combat my erectile disfunction’. These are often paired with suggestions to visit online dating services, where East European lovelies will steal my heart, and set my pulse racing with with their sexiness. (Something of a double-whammy there?) More recent email offers are advertising ‘Comfortable Care Homes’, where I can be looked after by trained and caring staff, who will help me see out my remaining (apparently very few) years.
As if these emails of doom were not bad enough, there are others offering me some very unrealistic expectations. ‘A delightful holiday home, close to the beach, and within easy distance of spectacular mountains to enjoy.’ And all that for less than £400,000 too. Perhaps I have long wanted to take up canoeing? Just click on the link, and I will soon be paddling to my heart’s content. Or maybe I would like to own a log cabin, surrounded by unspoilt woodland? A snip at £250,000. Plus fees of course.
These marketing men and women don’t seem to be talking to each other. Half of them think the grim reaper is soon to be knocking on the door of some penniless old goat who can no longer get it up, and is yearning for his coffin. The others see me as a vibrant keep fit fanatic with unlimited funds that enable me to buy luxury properties. Once established in those dream homes, I can climb mountains, then canoe down the rapids, accompanied by my oversexed bride from Belarus.
So much for the ‘Target Market’. They don’t have a clue.