Sort-of fed up

~ beetleypete

Nothing much is ‘happening’ today. Despite spring-like weather this afternoon, I fail to be impressed with anything at the moment. It was warmer and sunnier, but the mud is still there, and some snow has yet to melt. It is the 6th of March, ten days until my 66th birthday. Perhaps I was hoping to be inspired, by my soon-to-change year? Maybe I anticipated that being 66 might be some kind of milestone?

Whatever I considered, it isn’t working. I just feel fed up, with everything.

I am trying to read more, and also to watch more films. But that isn’t happening.

In general, I am OK, but I cannot shake the feeling of being fed up with life at the moment.

Ollie seems to be happy enough, so it’s no fault of my dog. Maybe it’s an age thing? I don’t know.

On the bright side, I received an email from an old ambulance colleague tonight. She had found my blog by chance, and shared some memories of the old days. But that moment was transient, and did not mellow my mood.

Some days, life just pisses you off, and you have no idea why.

Today is one of those days.

Don’t concern yourselves. I am confident that this will pass.

98 thoughts on “Sort-of fed up”

  3. March is the hardest month to get through. One feels stuck in the mud, unable to move forward and no desire to go back. I hope today is a better day for you, birthday boy. 66 is a momentous year! I dare you to do something that deviates from your routine. Try some spontinaity to spice up your day. Even a differrent mud pile might be a treat.

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  4. I am sorry to hear you are fed up, at the moment-and I so hope it is a fleeting moment. Mud, mud and more mud certainly do not help-just know this-it will pass. For now, think of all you have to love-besides your wife and Ollie-you do have those wellingtons-and a knack for writing too. I am sincere in my wishes for brighter days for you. looking forward to hearing from you soon. sincerely, Michele

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      1. I get it-it is as if birthdays now, are there to keep us humble. like a collection of tally marks. Makes me think all sorts of thoughts. I look at my life and sometimes it seems the greatest part of it has been keeping the light bill paid-thankfully, those days pass and I plant more flowers. I try to love more deeply and share whatever I have found that is good. Best wishes, friend and may you remain busy-finding good things.

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  5. Hope the last day was better for you and Ollie?
    Dont be sad, Germany has a new government. LOL
    And now in view of the Brexit, a lot of people have to secure their money from UK to any other EU member state. Hope the British Government has eagle eyes, because there is very much to earn. LOL
    Michael

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    1. I hope you get through all that soon, Dani. You put up a nice new photo, so I hope that’s a good sign.
      I will be fine in a few days, just a ‘getting older’ thing, I expect.
      Best wishes, Pete. xx

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    1. After I retired, I tried to stop that ‘looking forward to’ thing. At my age, it is best to deal with nothing further than tomorrow. But I do remember when the anticipation of a holiday could excite and inspire.
      Best wishes, Pete.

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  11. Having got stuck in the Niva yet again in half meter thick slush I decided to give up, we are running out of hay for the goats and wood for the fire. Where the F is spring!
    Then this morning I realised that I had worked outside till gone 6 before the light faded and this morning I heard the call of at least three different bird types, the neighbour called to say he has some spare hay and the temperature has shot up to around 6c with 10c on the way this week. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better I managed to pull the NIva out of the hole it was in and Gosia has headed out delivering soaps so I get to catch up on some Spiral whilst I babysit 🙂

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  12. Hope you have woken up perkier and fresher this morning, Pete. Low moods are a part of life – as of course you know. But it’s taken me the best part of my 60 years to grasp this, and most importantly, to learn to accept them when they arrive, and not to waste time, effort or focus in responding to them or fighting them. In fact, I haven’t really learned that part yet. I know the theory; less easy to apply in practice. I find myself thinking of Rumi’s The Guest House at these times: https://allpoetry.com/poem/8534703-The-Guest-House-by-Mewlana-Jalaluddin-Rumi

    The sun is shining here this morning. It’s not forecast to last, but it’s bringing joy whilst it’s here. Sending a little sunshine your way 🙂

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    1. Thanks for that link, Sandra, I enjoyed the poem.
      I hope that the sunshine you are sending breaks through the heavy rain here this morning too.
      As much as I love being retired, and not having to work, all that free time seems to pass so rapidly, and allows me too much time for thought and reflection, I suspect.
      Best wishes, Pete.

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      1. I can relate to that, Pete. Too much time can be as bad as not enough time. A new project perhaps? A new cause or challenge? Spring is a good time to embark on something new 🙂

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  13. I hear and feel your pain. I’m also feeling fed-up, mostly with the house sale (that seems to be dragging at an incredibly slow pace, despite my best efforts), but also with everything. I’m house and pet-sitting for some friends, but unfortunately, the oldest dog is not well, and she’s having medication and disturbed nights, so I’m tired as well… And the weather… In my case, my birthday is some time yet so that’s not it… I hope things brighten up soon (I am reading and watching more movies, but other than a funny episode of the recent X-Files and a book about Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, not a lot of effect.)

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    1. When I can’t even be bothered to watch my new Christmas-present DVD films, I know something is wrong, Olga. I hope that your house sale goes through soon.
      Best wishes, Pete.

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  14. It’s precisely your blog posts like these that I enjoy reading Pete! Because it’s nice to know other people get blue too. When I’m feeling low I tend to hibernate. Your way is much healthier, telling about it so friends can cheer you or commiserate or give you perspective. Thank you for posting about it Pete.

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  16. Winter blues catching up on you Pete. I haven’t felt like going out for months now! But hopefully it will all change soon and feeling the warmth on my back from the sun whilst in the garden today assessing the damage felt very good. And I got my bus pass yesterday!!! Yay! Just a pity we don’t actually live close to a bus route….

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  18. Yeah, I think we all have moments like that in our lives and cold, wet weather definitely doesn’t help. But after every storm, sun comes up. And soon proper spring will show up, be sunny and beautiful around from colourful flowers. Take care! 😊

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  23. Some of that is age… and lately I’ve been in a general funk as well. Maybe it’s the pull of the next extinction level event asteroid with our name on it (it’s obviously coming.. just a matter of when). I needed a damn tooth pulled the other day, thus making the final one on the lower left side.. so to fill the big gap I need damn dentures. WTF. When I was 16 and got the braces yanked off I had perfect teeth.
    Anyway.. damn dentist bangs and hacks away.. then says the tooth is too stubborn and tells me I need to visit the oral surgeon. So I go home and am still waiting for the damn pain to go away.. and next week I do it in the same spot all over again. No wonder people hate the dentist. Oh sure.. no pain during the procedure itself.. just for a couple-three weeks after.

    My damn job is just a mindless income because I am too old to be hired for anything substantial anymore. My GF is going through menopause. After ten years I had to stop taking the Metformin to keep my glucose down.. and it worked.. because it now gives me diarrhea. So we stop the Metformin and now my glucose is outta control… and the different drugs are making me constipated, and don’t work on the glucose anyway.
    I talked the Veterans Administration doctor into scheduling a stress test for me.. simply to relieve my own fears of a stroke; give me a heart attack, a gunshot to the head from a random mass shooting, just don’t turn me into a wheelchair veg where I can’t even have control of my own demise.

    Then there’s just aging in general in our current society. Perhaps me having been a TV and movie nut for my entire life… I am now sensitive to when my fave actors and actresses of my generation are dying off. I am feeling the pressure of time expiring in spite of the fact I am not even out of my 60’a yet.
    Yet I am still ambulatory… I can still go through the motions of running, although endurance is an issue. I still have coherent thoughts (although many might debate that).. I still have manual dexterity to still be able to type… and I can still talk.

    In the end I am lucky my health is no worse than it is.. and a lot of this is just mental adjustment.

    You are not alone, buddy. But like a kidney stone (which I had in Vegas a couple years ago but not anymore since moving), this feeling will also pass.

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  25. If it is any consolation we all go through these low points. But I am afraid that won’t help you at all. Perhaps a visit to the nearby pub would help. A nice chat over a pint of British ale might do the trick. Then again you might not like beer. Perhaps have a pleasant walk with Ollie through the mud, he will help to lift your spirits. Best wishes from wintery Canada, Pete, for a speedy recovery!

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  28. It’s like that famous (very big) ring with the inscription that says “This too will piss you off and pass, and that thing you like will pass and thereby piss you off. All that lasts is piss, or taking the piss.” Famous, that–and true!

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      1. Not great here, cold and grey, again. I’ve been ‘off-colour’ whatever that means for a couple of days now, non-specific under-the-wetherness I’m apt to call it, could do with some sunshine and a bit of warmth.

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