The last few days have got me thinking about stuff. Nothing too unusual about that, I am aware. But when all is said and done, I am just, as we say in England, “An ordinary bloke”. I have never done anything that the world will remember, and I have certainly made something of a mess of the life bestowed on me. Even though I never asked for that life, I felt a sense of responsibility to do something useful with it.
I did my best, I really did. I tried to be fair and kind, and based on what my Dad told me, to do ‘The right thing’. I was never in a position to change the world, although I tried, believe me. I did what was expected of me for a long time, before breaking away from that, and trying to do something good with my life. Doing that right thing didn’t always work out. But I took the knocks, came back from them, and tried again. Whatever I lost in the process was just ‘put down to experience’, and I continued in the same way.
A life well-lived? Of course, I like to think so. But at times when contemplation takes over, (like tonight) it is understandable to be left wondering. Politics, Unions, trying to get some balance into society, and employment. I did all that, but things here are worse than they have ever been. I obviously didn’t do enough, for long enough. I was not fiery enough, when it counted. Mea Culpa. I can see that. I should have kept going, never giving up.
But I was overwhelmed by the apathy of others, and allowed that to cloud my judgement. If they didn’t want to fight, then why should I? How much could I possibly do for others, when their only ambition was to eat McDonald’s, and to watch Sky TV? What were all those years of confrontation and sacrifice for? I gave up so much, and achieved so little. Well so be it. I have got to the age of regret, and I am bothering my readers with selfish reminiscences.
My apologies, for the disjointed thoughts of an old man. For some reason, it is a strange night. But I feel it has to be said, even though I have no idea why.