Chasing Leaves In The Wind

Hard to believe now, but there was a time when I was attractive to women. Especially older women, but younger ones on occasion too. Unlike the good-looking boys, the sporty types, the football players, and the accomplished swimmers, all confident in their desirability, that came as a great surprise to me. A greater surprise was that they not only liked me, but lusted after me too, eager to do much more than chatting, or cuddling. Although their affections and desires confused me, I knew enough not to question their reasons. I accepted their favours, and their affections, with a sense of gratitude combined with wonder.

My mirror now confirms that this is no longer the case. I harbour no illusions these days. I am an old man, and perceived to be one. I live a life of relative contentment, and do not concern myself too much about things like passion and desire. But I still have many treasured memories of course. Snapshots of the past; fleeting moments that appear, sometimes when I least expect them to. Mostly, they are good memories of course. The excitement of a new partner, the hurried fumbling followed by mutual satisfaction. Sometimes, whole scenes play out in my head, as if they happened just yesterday, not almost fifty years ago.

As I get older with each passing year, the same memories appear to change, and for the better. Perhaps I am only searching my mind for complete positives, and that’s why. They have also decided to mainly appear when I am in bed, just about to fall asleep. As I lay with my eyes closed, they flood into my mind, and the feeling is a good one. Faces and names from the briefest of encounters, longer relationships, and previous marriages. They are happy faces, and I am happy too. But as sleep takes hold, those memories begin to fragment; they merge, and start to flutter away.

I want them to remain, so I feel as if I am chasing them, trying to hold onto the last second of time with them, as I unwillingly slip away into the arms of Morpheus. But they swirl around, elusive, one over the other, off back to wherever they came from. Until the next time.

It is like chasing leaves in the wind.

64 thoughts on “Chasing Leaves In The Wind

  1. Hi Pete, I enjoyed your mention of nostalgic journeys…as I’m ‘mature’ too (think wine rather than cheese…). Although I’m in the ‘here and now,’ being a writer necessitates mentally travelling backwards and forwards in time now and then, which, I find, suits me fine. In the late 40’s and 50’s, courting was a tad different to today’s “mores,.” but I did enough canoodling to satisfy my flights of fancy…Fortunately, my one true love is still that 65 years later, for which fact I’m forever grateful. But it’s still a good feeling to recall the ‘friskier.’ times…Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is beautifully written, I actually started imagining myself in your place, itโ€™s a little sad, brings tears in my eyes, but at the same time, it makes me feel satisfied. Itโ€™s a weird feeling. I wish that when I grow old, Iโ€™d be happy and not a burden on anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I discovered something about sex that has stuck with me and helps to smooth the fact that I too am no longer attractive to women — What I learned was that the sex act itself consisted of perhaps an hour or two of foreplay followed by a lot of hard physical work that ended in about Seven seconds of pleasure — and the pleasure was not worth the effort it took to receive it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well I am an old woman and the same old memories often drift through my mind. It is odd to have those men far in the past showing up now and then. And it is even more strange to have been in a happy marriage for the last 30 years and they still say hello sometimes as I dream.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Iโ€™ve just had a quote from an old Pilot delivered via email.
    He said, โ€œIf it has tits or wheels, youโ€™ll have trouble with it!โ€ ๐Ÿ˜„
    This quote will counter-balance any leaf chasing thoughts that I have in future!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I believe a healthy mind lives in a timeless space. I never liked the idea – Mostly from Western interpretations of Eastern philosophy, I think – of living in the โ€œhere and nowโ€. Or even always looking forwards.
    Nice post, Pete – I have an image of you now with one if those โ€œleaf blowersโ€ – a device which may have been included in an Innovations catalogue, I think. A broom is better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, BF. I never understood the concept of leaf blowers. All they do is make a bigger pile of leaves. You still have to pick them up! On that note, I do have a gadget for doing just that. A big pair of bright green plastic ‘overhands’. Unlike most things in ‘Innovations’, they are not only useful, but they work. ๐Ÿ™‚
      https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002I076JI/ref=asc_df_B002I076JI57388505/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22110&creativeASIN=B002I076JI&linkCode=df0&hvadid=225363222612&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16931695174594035012&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9044864&hvtargid=pla-393360041716
      Best wishes, Pete.

      Like

    1. Thanks, Olga. Just lately, I have returned to nostalgic thoughts a great deal.
      I should just be looking forward, I know.
      But much of my past was a very happy place in which to dwell.
      Best wishes, Pete.

      Like

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