Someone recently mentioned in a blog comment that they didn’t know I have never had any children. That has prompted me to re-post this, from 2012.
I have been married three times, and yet I have never had children. Some who know me, might think that this is a good thing, others have encouraged me to procreate, believing that I would be a ‘good father’. As I get older, and my nature becomes more reflective, and less reactive, I often think about this. No-one will ever call me Dad. Daddy, Father, Pops, or any of the other names associated with being a male parent. When I am dead and gone, there will be nobody to continue my ‘line’, and carry my name through the ages.
I recall a conscious decision not to have children, taken even before my first marriage. We were 25, had good jobs, excellent prospects for buying houses in nice areas of London, and the opportunity to travel abroad on holidays. There were two good cars, everything we needed, and a social circle…
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beetleypete 
It’s a blessing to have kids of one’s own. Someday I love to have a granddaughter too. You can be a dad or father to some of your relatives’ kids Pete.
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I content myself with being a loving and caring relative, Arlene. I will also do my best to watch over baby Violet while I can, the little girl named after my Mum. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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Well I did have children, four of them, and loved babies since I was a young child, but I never thought I would have to practically raise them on my own and be both mum and dad. Now that is a hard act to carry out well. A few hiccups in the teenage years (more so for the three boys) but now they are all lovely adults and best of all very close to each other as I guess they had to be whilst growing up with an absent mum (university and then working) and no father figure in their lives. I love my children, but I don’t live through them and never did. They are individuals and make their own choices, as I do. And if someone chooses not to have children then that’s their choice. With the state of the world as it fewer people on the planet wouldn’t be a bad thing.
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Thanks for telling us your own experience, Jude. It sounds to me like you have a very sensible attitude to being a Mum.
Best wishes, Pete. x
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My children are not planning to have children. While I’d love to be a grandmother, it’s their life and their choice. I like that they are doing something for the planet.
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That’s good to hear, Peggy. My Mum was upset that she never had grandchildren, though she never complained to me. She devoted all that love to her pets instead.
Best wishes, Pete.
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In the back of my mind, while reading this, was the thought – I wonder how many foster kids I would’ve taken on if people considered consequences before becoming a parent.
I once heard a young woman respond to the question: what are you going to do about it? when her pregnancy was revealed.
“I’ll finally have someone who loves me for myself.”
Somehow, I don’t think that’s how it will be.
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Thanks for your comment and thoughts. If you have been a foster parent, I salute you. That is undoubtedly more difficult than caring for a child you conceived, in my opinion. Becoming pregnant is so easy, (at least for the majority) that the consequences of long-term responsibility are rarely considered.
Best wishes, Pete.
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In this times its very difficult to have children, and giving them what the need for a own good life. Thinking on education at first. To most teacher i had i would not give away any child. Michael
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That’s an interesting outlook.
Thanks, Michael.
Best wishes, Pete.
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For Bavaria, more for this region here its real life experiences. During my studies i also leared a lot about students later becoming teachers. Dont ask me for the motivation of most of them. 😉 Michael
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Yes, I understand not being a father was the focus of the post. In that regard, has your view of it changed at all since the original post. Despite not being the focus of the post, the term “stagnation followed by separation” struck me as saying “things happen” I know, had them happen to me. I never thought of those things being “stagnation followed by separation.” things in my limited experience (I too am on number 3) were a bit more “volatile” than stagnation and separation suggest. Warmest regards, Theo
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I escaped ‘volatile’, Theo. Fortunately.
Since writing this seven years ago, I have become completely convinced that I was right not to have children.
Best wishes, Pete
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I think more people should be straightforward about not wanting to have children. My mother once told me she never should have had children. Of course then I wouldn’t have been alive, but I appreciated that she knew a truth about herself.
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My Dad said something similar to me. I have often wondered if his harsh words affected my decision later.
Best wishes, Pete.
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Hard to believe that parents could say such things to their kids.
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great and honest post, Pete. having children is a personal choice and i respect that. i see a loving and caring paternal side of you with Ollie. that is awesome 🙂
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i meant “not having children….” 🙂
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Thanks, Wilma. I suppose that Ollie is the closest thing I have ever had to a child, you’re right. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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I was not a good parent, and probably shouldn’t have been one. I’m a great Nanny though!
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I’m sure you are, FR. A good Nanny is worth her weight in gold. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. This hit me with full speed, for reasons that you might imagine. There were days that I would be really depressed, others that I thought it has been better… I do understand and agree with you when you say that there are things that we will never will experience! And there will always be that pain… But we can dwell on it forever or enjoy our life with people that love us and that we love. I truly think that I would be the most, most funny, loving mother! 😉💕💕
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I am pleased that this post was relevant to you, and appreciate you relating your own experience too.
Best wishes, Pete.
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My daughter is the best thing that came from my first marriage…..and one is enough…she was a handful and could not image any more…..chuq
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Thanks, chuq. Happy to hear she turned out just fine. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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From 13 to 18 I wanted to kill her every day….LOL…..but after that she was the model of stability….chuq
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I think some fathers want to raise a Mini-Me, and then get frustrated, and even abusive, when the child fails to live up to their expectations.
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That sounds a lot like my own Dad.
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Well, we can’t all be parents, and there will be inevitably sides of us that we don’t explore!
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Very true, Sue. Looking back now, I am glad that I didn’t have children. I have enough to worry about, without that too. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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Same applies to me!
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