Wandering around on a cold bright afternoon with Ollie, it often surprises me what pops into my mind.
Once my Mum was in her eighties, and could hardly see, she often spilled things down her clothes as she was eating. On occasion, I would visit her to find her sitting in a top or dress that was obviously quite badly stained. I would point this out, and offer to find her something to change into from her wardrobe. But every time she was adamant that there was nothing there, that her clothing was not stained, and she was fine as she was.
She didn’t have any loss of mental faculties at that time, so I suspect her reluctance to believe me came from a mixture of embarrassment, and natural stubbornness. One evening, I was due to take her to a restaurant to celebrate some occasion. I arrived to find her wearing a rather fancy black outfit that was quite obviously spattered with stains from what she had been eating the last time she had worn it. I mentioned that she might want to change, as many other people would be there, and might wonder why her top had so many marks on it. She became unreasonably angry, and told me that if I was that bothered, she would stay at home.
I took her as she was, feeling sad that a once elegant and immaculate lady was perfectly happy to be seen in food-stained clothes by an assortment of family and friends.
Not long after this twenty year-old memory had been in my head, I saw a fellow dog walker, with her two dogs. One of them jumped up to me a few times, leaving muddy paw prints on my trousers, and then on the sleeve of my coat. She apologised, and told her dog off for jumping up. I assured her it wasn’t a problem. “They are only my dog-walking clothes, don’t worry”.
Maybe it runs in the family?
Nice that the paw prints gave you a memory.
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It had popped into my head before that, but those paw prints made me realise I was no longer so fussy either. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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I think thatโs a good thing. It takes half a lifetime to understand whatโs important and not worry about being fussy. Young people worry too much. You and I did, too, back in the day.
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My mother was like that Pete and I would whisk her jackets (she always wore one every day in case there were callers) off to the dry cleaners.. They knew me well… and the young lad behind the counter would say ‘Another of Mollie’s Jackets, don’t worry we will put it through twice and have it back to you spick and span!” I must admit that without my reading glasses I miss the odd spot too, until I am in the queue at the supermarket and it seems much larger and more visible than it really is..
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Thanks, Sally. I am sure it comes to us all in time. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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My child is the opposite. He constantly wants to change his clothes because of even a drop of water!
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I suppose that’s better than wearing dirty clothes, Abbi. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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Sweet recollection and connection to the past with the present. I dare say apples don’t fall from trees.
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Thanks, Cindy. That memory came out of nowhere.
Best wishes, Pete. x
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Great post ๐ Dryly witty and insightful at the same time. A wonderful combination Pete ๐ Speaking of your dog Ollie, how is he doing because it has been a long time since I commented on any of your entries about him? ๐ Anyway, keep up the great work as always ๐
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Thanks, John. Ollie recovered from the last skin infection, but his fur is refusing to grow back in the spots where it fell out. I spoke to the Vet, and she is adamant it will return in time.
Best wishes, Pete.
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Love it!!!! Hey … priorities change, but to be honest, I do feel your pain and sadness about your Mom. Who knows what we’ll all turn into in time. The hope is that we all have someone in our lives who will just go along with us … for whatever amount of the ride is left.
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Thanks, Lois. Yes, we can only hope for someone to care about us until the end.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I too find random memories popping in and out of my head Pete. Must mean were getting older. Some make me and laugh and others wrench the heart. Best from Florida.
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Yes, getting old brings back all sorts, doesn’t it? We have to make the most of the good ones, I suppose.
Best wishes, Pete.
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It is strange how random memories pop into our heads. Today on the writing workshop I talked about writing memoir and produced a box of bits and pieces from butter pats to old stone bottles, from old photos and postacrds to a bull’s nose ring worn in the show ring, from a silver spoon and pusher to an old book of hand written recipes. I let people have a rummage, pick an item and write for 15 minutes. It was astonishing the range of writing that came out of it and most of the participants were surprised about the memories they produced. I was surprised when I saw someone choose the bull’s nose ring – turned out her dad was a butcher! You should keep a file of those random memories – excellent material for more stories.
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I used to use a spoon and pusher, and can clearly remember doing so.
You have supplied me with another memory, Mary.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I think itโs interesting what we see in the first place (stains are very metaphoric), how we interpret that which we see, and finally reflecting on the memory! Great post Pete.
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Thanks, Cheryl. As I get older, random events from the past pop into my mind as if they happened ten minutes earlier.
Best wishes, Pete.
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It may be an old fart syndrome….for my father would not admit to anything he had done even when I watched him do it…..I guess I have something to look forward to, eh? LOL chuq
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At least we have that to look forward to, chuq. Never being wrong! ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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So true…..but I am never wrong just a bit mistaken….LOL chuq
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My mom most of the time has many left-over food on her placemat when we are eating. She always reasons out that she cannot see them properly. I guess getting old really have those moments. It is getting quite hard to get along with her these days.
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Towards the end, my Mum was almost impossible. But I had to tolerate her. She was my Mum.
Thanks, Arlene.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I always have to check my clothing before I leave the house since I spill so much. I could easily turn into your mother if I stopped noticing. I sure hope my children would alert me. It was kind of you to not argue with her but just enjoy her.
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Thanks, Elizabeth. I was in two minds back then. Did she know, and just not care? Or was she totally unaware? I will never know the answer now. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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We all do not wish to see the ones we love languish. Taking care of one’s appearance is commonly perceived as a form of self love. Of course you would feel sad to see the difference. I won’t say this memory is random… the incident probably did strike you hard at the time.
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It was something that worried me a lot at the time, that’s true. It was only the one incident popping into my mind 20 years later that seemed rather random. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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That is the beauty of memories, Pete. Our loved ones live in our memories, however random it may be.
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So true. ๐
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Great post Pete it’s a great shame we are not more like our dogs they just don’t seem to worry about impressing others , where as we often feel we should look the part.
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Very true. Ollie couldn’t care less what he looks like, or how dirty he is. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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I seem to have spills and spots all the time lately. I attribute it to often eating while reading. I think as we age we care less about certain things. I know when I stopped wearing makeup it was a day of delightful freedom for me regardless of what others thought. Anyway, dog prints are an expression of love, right?
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Dog prints could be a new fashion statement, Maggie. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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Aww, that’s cute. You were close to your mom, weren’t you? I love when you write memories. Knowing about others makes me happy especially if they are my friends. ๐โ๐
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Thanks, Suzan. Yes, we were very close. My Dad left when I was 24, and we just had each other.
Best wishes, Pete.
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Welcome, Pete. I am so sorry about your father but I think everything happens for a good. See it brought you close to your mom. ๐โ๐
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I think the older we get, the concern we have for other people’s opinions.
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Very true, GP. At least in my experience. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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What mattered is you loved her, all the same.
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Thanks, Edith. That is surely true. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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sad but beautiful story about your Mom, Pete. ๐
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Thanks, Wilma. I have no idea why that popped into my head today.
Best wishes, Pete.
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My mother is 81 and she is meticulous about her clothes. She will change if she thinks there is a mark regardless of whether there actually is one or not.
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Glad to hear that, Robbie. My own Mum went downhill after numerous hospital admissions, and lacking a social life. Her catchphrase was always, “What’s the point of dressing up?”
Best wishes, Pete.
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I think loneliness and illness are very debilitating. Luckily, my mom lives with us and we all make a great fuss of her and take her out.
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The same thing happend to my mom. It was very distressing for me and her family because she–like your mother–was a beautiful woman and immaculate with her person. I couldn’t bare to point out these things to her even though I cringed because of them. I was worried. I was confused. I was–I am sorry to say–embarrassed. I deal with these things now that she’s gone. But I loved her deeply and she knows that.
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Thanks, Pam. It does seem that this comes to us all in time. Our parents, perhaps followed by ourselves. We all deal with it in the best way we can.
Best wishes, Pete.
(By the way, I was notified of a post on your blog today. But it wasn’t there)
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Yes. That’s what I fear. I fear it dreadfully. I guess we all do, if we are fortunate to live so long.
(About my post: It’s there now.)
(Another thing: If you have access, might I suggest you watch some of the Trump impeachment hearings today. It’s smoking gun time. Fingers crossed.)
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I tried watching some of the impeachment on BBC News, but when the reporter said he was unlikely to be impeached, or face any charges, I zoned out.
Off to read your post now. ๐
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Well, today things have changed dramatically.
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I will check out some news at 6 pm, the evening broadcast in 15 minutes.
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I’m over 80, Pete, and your recollection is ringing a bell, especially after eating soup. My wife has turned into a real stain policewoman.
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Thanks, Don. At least you are taking notice of her still. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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Great story to share, Pete…
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Thanks, John. I have no idea why that particular memory arrived today.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I tell myself that’ll never be me, then realised I’m sitting here in a jumper with a baked bean mark on it, from yesterday! ๐ณ
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I still have the paw marks on my trousers from earlier. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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I can relate.๐คฆ๐ปโโ๏ธ
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Bean fan, eh? ๐
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๐
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Pete, you have brought tears to my eyes with this post. It is a poignant memory and a starting revelation. Maybe, like the mistakes of our past, the stains are simply something she needed you to accept, as you accepted her aging. Maybe she no longer wanted to fight her imperfections, her aging, or her mortality, and you gave her the opportunity to live without faking it, an acknowledgement that a great change was now coming that her efforts could not prevent. Nor yours. Great post.
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Thanks, Abigail. I do understand her more as I get older, but I have no idea why I thought of this today.
Best wishes, Pete.
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That is my reality at the moment. No matter how many new clothes I buy my mother, she is wearing old, often stained clothing when I visit her. Her closet is bulging with things that no longer fit or have seen better days, yet she refuses to let me purge. Like your Mom, she was once very careful with her appearance. But she turned 93 yesterday so I think she’s earned the right to do what she likes.
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That’s definitely fair enough at 93. As I get older, I am also less particular about my own clothes, though I do keep them clean.
Thanks, IP.
Best wishes, Pete.
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For me, it started when I was a baby. I didn’t care that my diapers were soiled, and never said a word about it..
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I hope you can still get ones big enough to fit now, David. ๐
Best wishes, Pete.
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Sadly, I can’t find big ones to soil now. And that’s a dirty shame.
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Yes you can!
https://www.hdis.com/incontinence/briefs-with-tape-tabs?absorbency=Heavy&cid=199752&dest=333005&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyZOanKH55QIVCLrtCh0Y8QNvEAAYAiAAEgIQ-vD_BwE&gender_multiple=For+Men&size=Large
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I like the Walther PeePee model.
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My mum was also immaculate until the last year of her life, when she didn’t really care about anything anymore. As you say, it’s sad to see such a deterioration, but I guess it’s a natural progression as we age.
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I noticed that I started to care a lot less about my clothes once I retired. But at least they are still clean.
Thanks, Stevie.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I’m still working, so have to try and dress the part!
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