I had a disturbing dream last night. It woke me up when it was still dark, and I went back to sleep thinking about it. I was unsure whether or not to post about it today, but after walking round with Ollie for a couple of hours this afternoon, I decided to go ahead.
On the 18th of this month, I read a blog post on a blog I follow. Here’s a link to that.
The Seven Sisters
It was about a trip to the Seven Sisters in Sussex, seven famous chalk cliffs that overlook the coast. It is very common for people to commit suicide there, by jumping from the cliffs. I know that area well, and have been to the same spot many times in the past. I enjoyed reading the text and admiring the photos, left a comment, and thought no more about it.
Until last night.
I was driving along in a motor caravan, with Ollie on the seat next to me at the front. I have never owned a motor caravan, so that in itself is unusual. After parking the vehicle somewhere, I walked across the wide expanse of grass with Ollie running around in front of me, until I got close to the edge of one of the cliffs.The sky was grey, the weather cold, and the sea was turbulent, with waves crashing into the rocks at the base of the cliff.
Something made me inch nearer and nearer to the edge, until I was aware that small pieces of chalky rock were being loosened by my shoes, and falling into the sea below. With the wind in my face, and an uninterrupted view, I was really basking in the full force of nature. Ollie was still standing close, and just behind me.
Then for some reason, it entered my head to jump. Well not really jump, just step off into the void. The appeal of that idea continued to grow, and I started to move one foot forward until it was no longer touching the ground. As I did that, Ollie moved closer to the edge too. I turned and told him to ‘stay’, but it was clear to me that if I stepped off the edge, there was every chance that he would follow me. So I didn’t. I stepped back a few paces, and bent down to stroke Ollie. Concern for my dog had stopped me from doing something irreversible.
And then I woke up.
In the past, I have never really had any suicidal thoughts. I am sure the dream can be explained by having read the blog post, and those dangerous cliffs being on my mind.
But whatever the reason, it seems I can thank Ollie for saving me.