The Block: Part Five

This is the fifth part of a fiction serial, in 845 words.

Just when things had calmed down over the car park fire, someone came knocking on my door late one afternoon. That meant it had to be someone who lived in the block, or they would have had to buzz me on the entryphone first. I looked through the peephole, and saw it was Sammy Lee. As I opened up to see what he wanted, I saw the drips of blood on the shiny linoleum floor. Sammy put some tissues back up to his face to stop the drips, and walked in without invitation. I kept him in the hallway, so he wouldn’t drip blood on the rugs in the living room.

Sammy Lee was one of the few people I knew the name of these days. I had held the door open for him when he was moving in some stuff, and he had formally introduced himself. He was also the only person who used my name, which few of the others knew or remembered. “Mister Jeff, that man hit me. The man with the van who wears vest”. Sammy was a student from Hong Kong. His parents had to be minted, as they had bought the flat for him two years earlier, and paid cash, so he told me. He would live there until he finished at university, then they were going to rent it out when he went home. His dad paid all the utility bills and the service charges, as well as depositing fifteen hundred a month for Sammy to use as spending money.

It was obvious he was talking about Fat Bald Bloke, so I went and got him an old hand-towel for his nose, and he told me what happened. It seems he had been waiting for the lift earlier, even though he only lived on the third floor, above The Loud Couple, and opposite Possible Junkie. When it came, Fat Bald Bloke’s wife was in it, so Sammy rode up to the next floor where she lived, before pressing G to go down again. When he got back from uni, Fat Bald Bloke accuses him of stalking his wife, and head butts him in the face, before driving off in his van.

Now Fat Bald Bloke’s other half, they may not have been married, is a hard woman to miss. She always wears denim jeans, and they look about five sizes too small. It’s as if she has nicked a pair of Possible Junkie’s drainpipes, and had her curvy lower half poured into them before she set solid. The seams creak under the pressure, making a sound like the masts of old sailing ships when she walks. And the rivets worry me, to be honest. Like in those old submarine films where they sink too deep, and bits start to fly off and ricochet around. I was always convinced she would take out someone’s eye one day, when one finally shot off the jeans like a bullet.

Her top half is no less remarkable. She favours low-cut vests that might even be from the same shop where Fat Bald Bloke gets his. But each of her tits is the size of a ripe watermelon, and no vest made by human hand can contain them completely. Her face is never seen without make-up so thick it would not be out of place in a Rocky Horror Show theme night, and her hair is piled up on her head in a bouffante that would do justice to Madame Pompadour. Then she has it all dyed a strange blue-black colour, so as she approaches, it looks as if a huge nest of blowflies is living on her head.

As I said, she’s hard to miss.

My name for her was Elvira, from the film Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Actually, that was pretty unfair on the actress who played Elvira, as she was better-looking, and had nice clothes. She had never spoken to me, and I had restricted my contact to her to a polite nod. Knowing full well she always expected me to look at her tits, I went out of my way not to.

So Sammy goes up one floor in the lift with her, and she gets it into her head he made the journey for no good reason, so must be stalking her. That’s all Fat Bald Bloke needed to know, before handing out his own form of street justice.

I told Sammy that his nose was broken, and he should get a taxi to the hospital and have it looked at. He asked if he should tell the police, so I gave him the possible outcome of that. They would arrest the guy, charge him with common assault, and he would go to court. That was all providing he admitted nutting Sammy, as there were no witnesses. If he didn’t admit it, nothing would be done, and even if he did, the likely result would be a fine, or a community order. My advice was to put it down to experience.
A bad experience.

And to use the stairs next time.

40 thoughts on “The Block: Part Five

  1. Groan. Elvira reminds me of the young, usually overweight, women who will insist on wearing mini skirts (or short shorts these days) and low-cut crop tops whenever the sun appears. Even worse are the ones with tattoos all down their arms.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t mention her tattoos, as most are hidden from the public gaze. They are revealed in a later episode! 🙂 But Elvira only ever wears jeans!
      Best wishes, Pete.


  2. (1) 🎵Nodoby doesn’t like Sammy Lee! 🎵 … Well, except for Fat Bald Bloke and his dark mistress.
    (2) Jeff never takes the block’s elevator—he uses a private turbolift. Whenever there is a power shortage, he avoids using the block’s stairway, and instead treks through what he calls the “Jefferies tubes”—a secret network of narrow tunnels and corridors. Jeff is an enterprising fellow!
    (3) It later turns out that the Loud Couple is only one person—Dr. Robert Elliott. We’ll learn that he wants to be a woman named Bobbi, but his male side won’t allow him to go through with the operation. His two sides (Dr. Elliott and Bobbi) often engage in conversations, and sometimes in arguments. Whenever Dr. Elliott is sexually aroused by Elvira, who is dressed to kill, Bobbi becomes unstable and threatening to the point of becoming murderous.
    (4) Your description of Elvira was riveting.
    (5) “Knowing full well she always expected me to look at her tits, I went out of my way not to.” Jeff was apparently spooked by Elvira’s haunted hills.
    (6) When Elvira said she was flat busted, she meant she was broke.
    (7) Once Sammy Lee is done with his studies, he’s returning home. At that point, Elvira will be done making out with Fat Bald Bloke, and will tell him she’s taking the boat to Hong Kong. The bald gorilla will then insult her looks. “Red eye shadow? Green mascara? Yuck! And that nose job? It’s real atomic!” To his surprise, Elvira’s only response will be a fish-eating grin as she turns to leave the flat. Fat Bald Bloke will then hurl his last words at her: “Well, bye-bye, sugar! And not a minute too soon! Hurry now, before I rip you to shreds!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are on a cinematic and televisual roll, David! ‘Dressed To Kill’, ‘Star Trek’, and many other sharp references too. You did fall for ‘riveting’, and as John Travolta once said, “I kneeew that ya would!” 🙂
      (Though I confess to thinking that the submarine mention might have generated a ‘Red October’ pun)
      Best wishes, Pete.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. You managed to pun a ‘non-pun’. I am bowing in respect, though you can’t acually shee that of courshe.
          (You probably got it, but ‘shee’ and ‘courshe’ is my written attempt at Sean Connery’s accent)

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Lol at the vivid description of Elvira. I feel like I know her now. About Sammy’s options, I’d recommend he gives him a hard kick in his nuts, else who’s to say Fat Bald Bloke will not inflict another head butt? Either he nips it in the bud now or dodge the geezer for the duration of his tenancy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you enjoyed the description, and thanks for reading and leaving a comment. As the serial continues the fate of Sammy, and all the characters, will be revealed. 🙂
      Best wishes, Pete.


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