My Bundle Of Joy: Part Twelve

This is the twelth part of a fiction serial, in 765 words.

As I went up in the lift to the Maternity Department, I smiled to myself. The next time I was in this lift, I would have Leah with me, and be starting a whole new life.

The midwife who took me into a room had a strong Irish accent, bright red hair, and those red cheeks you see on people who work outside, or live on farms. Her accent was very strong, but I could understand her well enough. But like most of her colleagues, she was unimpressed, and showed zero sense of urgency. I presumed student midwives must have had a training module called ‘Never act impressed’.

I hadn’t had any pains since that one in the taxi, and I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved, or worried. I was soon undressed and in a gown, and following a brief ‘look’, she ran through a few questions before confirming my preference for a natural birth.

Then she disappeared.

The next pain came five minutes later, and caused me to shout out a swear-word that I don’t think I had ever used before. Then I was grabbing the call-button, and pressing it like mad. Red cheeks came in with a colleague who was wheeling a tall cylinder on a trolley. They showed me how to suck in the gas and air through a black rubber mask, and before too long I felt as if I had drunk a few gin and tonics. As they put a needle into my wrist, I had to suppress a giggle that came from nowhere. Then red cheeks told me her name was Moira, and talked about first babies, long labour, and how I might yet be sent home.

It hadn’t occured to me I might be sent home, and I thought I should make Olly aware of that. But as I was thinking that, he came into the room. They had made him put a plastic apron on over his work suit, and given him a blue hat to wear over his floppy hair. I couldn’t help myself, and started to laugh at him. Moira grinned, and winked at Olly. “Too much gas and air, daddy”. I wondered why she had called him daddy, but was soon to discover that she called me mummy, and would refer to us both like that throughout. I suppose it saved her having to remember a lot of names in the course of her shift.

Olly told me had had sent a text to my parents, and to my brother. He had also told them not to come to the hospital, as he wasn’t sure they would be allowed in anyway. Besides, there was nowhere to park anywhere in the area, as it was in the centre of the city. Then he held my hand, leaned over the bed, and kissed me. Moira spoke to him, explaining most of what she had told me, including the fact that I might be too early to deliver that afternoon.

Then she disappeared again.

When the next pain came, I grabbed the mask and sucked on it like an astronaut running out of air in a space film. I took in so much of the gas Olly thought I was unconscious, and pressed the button. A slim black nurse arrived, her hair braided and pulled back so tight, it made her face look surprised. She told Olly it was normal, and pointed to the fact that I had come round before she had got to the room. Once again, I was left feeling as if I was wasting everybody’s time.

Time seems to stand still in situations like that. I lay there waiting for the next cramping pain, and it felt like two hours before it happened, even though it was only twelve minutes. Moira came back in and had a good feel of my baby bump, pushing and squeezing like she was trying to burst an enormous spot. A quick inspection between my legs preceded another pain strong enough to make me grab the gas mask. Moira grinned. “I don’t think you’ll be going home, mummy. Baby’s in the right position. She’s ready to see the world tonight”.

A monitor was attached to my belly, and it started to bleep reassuringly. I was told to keep calm between the contractions, and use the gas as much as I wanted. Olly’s phone kept going off, and he dismissed two calls from my mum, and one from his sister in Canada.

Then he grabbed my hand and gave me his best serious look.

“It’s happening, Ang”.

27 thoughts on “My Bundle Of Joy: Part Twelve

    1. It was the only way it was allowed then, Elizabeth. The patient ‘self-administered’ Entonox, so that they didn’t take too much without dropping the mask. Then we knew to watch them. I don’t know if that has changed since my day, but I think not.
      Best wishes, Pete.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. (1) “The next time I was in this lift, I would have Leah with me, and be starting a whole new life.” She plans to get pregnant again in the elevator?
    (2) Said the midwife: “I look a lot. I glance a lot. I sing a lot. And when you call, I come a lot.”
    โ™ฌ C’est Moira! C’est Moira, I blush to disclose
    โ™ฌ I’m far too noble to lie
    โ™ฌ That midwife in whom these qualities bloom
    โ™ฌ C’est Moira, c’est Moira, ’tis I
    (3) The lady at Taco Bell “showed me how to suck in the gas.”
    (4) I once put a blue hat on a hare named Flopsy.
    (5) Overheard at Esso: “Too much gas and air, daddy.”
    (6) Book of the Month: “Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Disappearing Midwife.”
    (7) “Once again, I was left feeling as if I was wasting everybodyโ€™s time.” That includes Leah, who was twiddling her thumbs in the womb.
    (8) Angela will soon be bringing up baby. Granted, she hadn’t counted on it being a leopard, but she’s a modern woman, not some old dinosaur.
    (9) Overheard on the set of Life of Pi:
    Animal trainer: “Itโ€™s happening, Ang.”
    Bengal tiger: “Roaaaarrr!”

    Liked by 1 person

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