This is the twenty-fifth part of a fiction serial, in 760 words.
Lesley suggested an early night, and after taking ages to get comfortable on the thin mattress, they were eventually asleep just after ten-thirty. Less than an hour later, they were awake again, disturbed by the noise of the people in the next caravan returning from the social club. There was shouting and swearing at first, followed by lots of laughter, and then some loud music being played, presumably on a radio. Lesley was in an unusually grumpy mood, and when the neighbours failed to quieten down, she turned to Jimmy.
“You have to go and say something, Jimmy. We can’t have that nuisance, it will ruin our holiday”. Jimmy got up and put on the shirt and trousers he had taken off earlier, then slipped into his unlaced shoes without bothering with socks. As he opened the door of the caravan and walked down the two steps, he could see three young men urinating against the side of their caravan, cigarettes dangling from their mouths. Not getting too close, he called out to them in a strong voice. “Can you keep the noise down please? We are trying to sleep next door!” One of them stepped back, not bothering to sort himself out and zip his fly.
“Calm down mate. Why don’t you come in for a drink? Got plenty of beers in there”. Before Jimmy could reply, a side window opened, and a rough-looking girl leered at him. “Got some nice girls in here too, darling. Come in and have some fun”. Jimmy replied politely but firmly. “No thank you. Please just keep the noise down, and turn the music down too. It’s getting late, and I really don’t want to have to go and get the site manager”. The tallest one of the men walked over, Jimmy could smell the beer on his breath. “Manager is it? We invite you in for a drink, all friendly like, and you threaten us with the manager. Why don’t you just piss off back into your caravan, unless you want real trouble”.
Jimmy smiled at him, staring straight into his eyes. The man stopped talking and turned back to his friends. “Come on, let’s go inside, this killjoy is ruining my evening”.
The noise continued for at least another hour, and Lesley nagged at Jimmy, not like her at all. “You should have got the manager. Perhaps we can ring the police and complain? This bed is bad enough to sleep in without having to put up with those hooligans”. Jimmy didn’t bother to remind her that coming to this awful place had been her idea. He waited until her ranting had calmed down before he replied that she should leave it to him, and he wasn’t going to involve the management.
At least it had stopped raining the next day. Lesley suggested they drive into town and explore the promenade and shops. “We can do the beach on a warmer day, Jimmy. I’m going to need my cardigan this morning”. Jimmy stood outside while Lesley was getting her things.
There was no noise from the troublesome neighbours, but every now and again, one of them would flick the still-lit butt of a cigarette through the open window. There was already a decent sized pile of them on the ground outside. The grubby Volkwagen van they had parked next to their caravan had a flat tyre at the front. He guessed they were intending to stick around the park, as nobody was bothering to change it for the spare.
Before Lesley appeared, Jimmy crouched low down and walked to the back of the neighbouring caravan. Working quickly and quietly, and using all of his considerable strength, he unscrewed the valves from both canisters of propane gas that were stored underneath to supply fuel for the cooker. When Lesley appeared with her car keys, handbag, and cardigan, he was standing by the passenger door of the Mini.
They found a nice fish and chip place to have a sit-down lunch. Lesley had bought some small souvenirs for the house, and she was looking at them as they waited for the food to arrive. Jimmy said that after lunch, they should walk out onto the Grand Pier, perhaps have an ice cream. Lesley was in a better mood than last night. “Sorry about this holiday, Jimmy. I thought it looked like a nice place, but I know it’s horrible. I will choose somewhere better next year, promise.
From inside the restaurant, they couldn’t see the smoke rising almost three miles to the south.
Excellent immediate solution, also solving God’s impatience with the pace of his destructive orders.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Elizabeth. Last part tomorrow.
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLike
There’s a small part of me that loved this episode! I’m becoming a killer groupie! That smile….C
LikeLiked by 2 people
There is a little of Jimmy lurking inside all of us, I’m sure.
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I only hope it will not become real in me, Pete! 😉 There are so many targets available. Lol Michael
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not surprised that Jimmy did this this. He’s becoming quite the killer.
LikeLiked by 2 people
They should have just gone back inside and kept quiet, Jennie. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re right. Best to you, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A real Basil Brush moment 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, a ‘double boom’ indeed, Eduardo.
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, they picked the wrong guy to cross!
LikeLiked by 1 person
They should have realised, when he smiled at them. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know what they say: “he had a killer smile.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was gonna happen. Thanks Pete
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLike
Well done, Jimmy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Everyone is on his side with this one, Mary. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess we’ve all had some horrible experiences with noisy, rude, disrespectful neighbours!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I certainly have!
LikeLiked by 1 person
(1) Less than an hour later, Jimmy (Stewart) was awake again, disturbed by the drunken cowboys returning from the Cheyenne Social Club.
(2) Jimmy “could see three young men urinating against the side of their caravan, cigarettes dangling from their mouths.” Cigarettes weren’t the only thing that Jimmy could see dangling.
(3) Overheard;
First Young Man: “Why don’t you just piss off back into your caravan?”
Jimmy: “I’d tell you to do the same, but you’re fresh out of piss!”
Second Young Man: “Why don’t you go put some socks on? I can see your bony ankles!”
Jimmy: “Why don’t you zip up your pants? I can see your bony tinkler!”
Third Young Man; “Killjoy!”
Jimmy: “I’ll be more than happy to kill Joy, if you think that’ll make a difference. Go ahead and send her out!”
(4) Jimmy’s famous last words: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. A deadly gas attack in a monkey cage in Porton Down. A deadly caravan explosion in a crappy caravan park in Weston-Super-Mare. All those moments will be lost in time, like piss in the rain. Time to die.”
(5) Bad citation: “Every now and again, one of them would stick his butt through the open window. There was already a decent sized pile of poo on the ground outside.” Apparently, the toilets are way up near the entrance of the caravan park. That is somewhat of an inconvenience, so I can understand stepping outside to take a piss. But now they’ve gone too far!
(6) I’m pretty sure that Volkswagen translates as “the grubby people’s car.”
(7) TV chef Delia Smith had taught Jimmy how to regulate the fuel supply to the cooker.
(8) Jimmy was eating ice cream on the pier while his fellow caravanners were being blown to bits. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really enjoyed the Blade Runner speech, David. 🙂
One of my favourite comments ever!
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m with Jimmy on this one although maybe not quite so extreme…:) x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have had neighbours like that, Carol. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Guess I have always been lucky with my neighbours, Pete 🙂 x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh good one Jimmy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Never cross a psycopathic serial killer working on God’s instructions. Lesson learned by those noisy neighbours. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seems like it’s time for a little Deep Purple, “Smoke on the water, a fire in the sky.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, a few issues with the caravan park are on the horizon, Pete.
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No loss to mankind there. I’m beginning to like Jimmy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s a bit of Jimmy in all of us. No doubt. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jim has a nasty habit of illuminating people. Great entry.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Molly. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel guilty taking such pleasure in this installment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think we would all have liked to do something similar at one time in our lives, Geoff.
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLike
Should have thought about reprisals….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, the smile and the stare should have warned them.
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmm. I had some neighbors I could have used Jimmy for. Just kidding!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too, Kim. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So why does he need the biological and chemical research job. He could go on a permanent holiday and do his master’s bidding quite handily. Warmest regards, Theo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Time wil tell, and you will see why, Theo. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He never stops, even when he is on holiday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They should have just kept the noise down, Don. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person