“Dry In The South Today And All Weekend But Rain On Monday”

~ beetleypete

Yes, that’s what the weather lady said, as she stood in front of a map of Britain with everything south of Scotland showing a cloud-free sky.

Monday is a public holiday in England, so a forecast of heavy rain all day on a holiday is no surpise to anyone English. Still, I should have known better than to stupidly accept her optimistic forecast for south-east England at 1pm today.

Ready to walk Ollie, I wore shorts, a light fleece jacket, and took my dog-walking stick in preference to an umbrella. Leaving the house in reasonably bright sunshine, I could feel the nip of the east wind on my face.

Walking quickly soon made me forget that cold wind, and I covered the area of Beetley Meadows in good time. Once Ollie had marked almost every twig and shrub, I headed across to Hoe Rough, to make a longer walk of it. At the far end of the nature reserve, well past the point of no return, that moment when it takes longer to get home than I had already travelled, there were a few raindrops dropping onto my coat.

The skies darkened, as if someone had switched out the lights, and the chilly wind doubled in intensity. Then the heavens opened, soaking me and Ollie in minutes. My coat collar was damp and uncomfortable on my neck, and my unsuitable casual shoes were soon allowing my bare feet inside to get wet. What sparse hair I have left was slicked down onto my head, and the rain was running down into my eyes.

I headed for home, cursing the smug weather lady who must not have a single clue how to do her job.

Walking back in the continuing rain, I thought -not for the first time- what life would be like if everyone was as bad at their jobs as weather forecasters. Imagine a teacher who couldn’t read, or a policeman too scared to arrest a criminal. A chef with no sense of taste, or a fireman who is afraid of flames.

I could go on with a very long list, including things like a tone-deaf orchestra conductor. But you get the idea.

Weather forcasters are fakes. The snake-oil salesmen of the television age. High time they were all sacked.

87 thoughts on ““Dry In The South Today And All Weekend But Rain On Monday””

  2. Hope to make you chuckle, over a long ago, weather forecaster ‘oops!’ – – 1970s – Colorado USA, local TV channel – the weatherman, got tongue tied, and instead of saying, “A cold air mass is working it’s way down from Canada, and we can expect a raging blizzard by ….”

    he instead said, “A cold mare’s ass from Canada will….” (stops, turns red, gathers himself, plows on) “We’re in for a blaging rizzard folks” –

    and then our TV screen went to black background, message “technical difficulties’ shows up and then some commercials started to play –

    And when it came back to the ‘live news station broadcast” ?

    The same weatherman spoke out his apologies, for cursing and traumatizing the entire audience –

    and closed with, “snow is on the way!”

    LOL – – Forever more, since our entire family watched that broadcast?

    We refer to cold fronts as a cold mare’s ass and if a blizzard has shown up?

    we report to each other – “blaging rizzard’ here – LOL.

    ** Sorry for using curse word in comment – but – started to write ‘arse’ and realized, that wouldn’t be ‘true, factual reporting’ – – LOL. and for all I know? *arse okay to use here in USA, but still cursing in UK* I just don’t know for sure – 😀

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    1. Arse or Bum means ‘Ass’ in the UK, TamrahJo, but that’s fine to use in a comment.
      I am pleased that the weatherman’s blooper continued to amuse you. I’m sure we have something similar, if I searched You Tube. 🙂
      Best wishes, Pete.

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      1. I guess, for me/mine? We adopted it quickly, well, and carried on the adoption, simply because, after the news camera turned from the abashed weatherman that night, to cover ‘sports’, I remember my dad commenting, “Well, you have to admire him that he didn’t fall apart and just showed back up” and, that weatherman? Continued to go live on camera for quite some time afterward – it IS amusing, but I guess, after reading your comment and plunging the depths of my memory, etc.,? We adopted to show support for his strength (and his bosses’ support!) in getting back on camera and all – seems, really, like such a lil thing, I guess, overall – but well? For a live broadcast personality? I imagine, one of their greatest ‘professional fears’ – 😀

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  5. I am so sorry, but I am smiling while reading.
    We also had rain the whole weekend. Until lunch weather was dry in the afternoon starts the nasty thin drizzle. Yesterday we drive to the seaside and had a wonderful moment with sunshine. Today I will not try to go out because the rain. Best wishes, Irene

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    1. Thanks, Irene. Yes, it is amusing that I fell for the silly forecast, and got soaked as a consequence. Glad to hear you had a nice day at the seaside. 🙂
      Best wishes, Pete.

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  7. Pete, I agree with moaning about the weather and what better way to do it than create a blog! Genius idea! I moan alot aswell since I use walking as my main transport but never considered blogging. Dogs love their walks! Have a great day and hope the weather is nice for the dog walks today.

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  8. I actually found this funny. The English weather has been ridiculous this year so far. Snow, hail, a storm and heat wave all the the matter of 2 weeks in April! No wonder we get caught out. I ended up getting all the garden furniture out in the heat wave to then have it flown all over the garden the next night due to the storm and then covered in snow afterwards. Make you wonder what is happening. Thank you for a great blog, I enjoyed reading.

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    1. Thank you. It was meant to be a little amusing, except for how wet we got. I do moan a lot about the weather on this blog, mainly because I have no option but to go out in it with my dog. 🙂
      Best wishes, Pete.

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  11. Trouble is that in the UK, we don’t do climate, just weather. Its ridiculous how much the forecasts vary. I find the most accurate one is the Met Office. If they can get North West England right most of the time, they are worth a look up for your region. No attractive weather ladies though.

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    1. Thanks, Paul. Beetley seems to have some weird ‘micro-climate’. It can be pouring down here, but warm and sunny in Dereham, three miles south. The local TV weather on BBC Look East covers too wide an area (Suffolk/Norfolk/Essex) to ever get it right.
      Best wishes, Pete.

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      1. Please would you and Ollie accept my sympathies for all occurrences of unforecast downpours. Life is hard enough to navigate without meteorologists’ false promises. XX

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    1. Yes, Michael Fish and his ‘not too windy’ forecast.
      The only thing they have got right so far this year was the heavy snow we had. At least that was expected this time.
      Best wishes, Pete.

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  14. The weathermen do a grand job here we get hourly reports and know when the sun shines and when the rain comes..pretty accurate, unlike the British weather…I’m sure by now you are dried out and warm, Pete …Have a great weekend, Pete 🙂 and may the sun shine for you 🙂 x

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  15. It is hard not to laugh 🙂
    Try using weather.com I find the forecast to be good for at least a few days ahead and it is very localised if there are people in the area with connected weather stations.

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  18. The problem is if you sack them here, they just move to another market. We accept new forecasters with hope that will be dashed soon. Best to keep the ones you have and simply do not believe a word they say. Warmest regards, Theo

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        1. 🙂 It is weird how most of the jokes in the book written sometime in late 1880s are still relevant. It seems we humans haven’t evolved much ever since. I was still in a fight with WP mobile app when I posted it (I’m still fighting for the lost case).

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  24. I can’t wait for a drop of rain Pete, I sat reading in my garden all day today and even caught a little sunburn on my arms! 😎 It’s 20:30 and I’m in my gym without my heater! Fantastic.

    Sorry to hear you got wet. Phew what a scorcher 😉

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  27. I think being a weather forecaster is a perfect job. No one cares about yesterday’s weather, only the future. You are never rated on your performance accuracy and never fired over the actual weather. And no matter how many times customers gets burned (or drenched) by a forecast, they come back every day for more. Everybody is interested in what you say and you are quoted in conversations wherever people meet.

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    1. Yes, it is a career to be envied, Geoff. And very well-paid too. It is rumoured that the BBC pays its regular TV weather people around £100,000 a year.
      Best wishes, Pete.

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  29. The weather forecaster we had when I was a kid was fond of saying “There’s a 20% chance of rain today unless it’s raining where you are, then there’s a 100% chance.”

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  30. A bit harsh I think, Pete 😀 Admittedly, it can really mess up someone’s day if the forecaster does get it wrong [and sympathies to your predicament!], but weather forecasting is notoriously difficult, for a variety of reasons: it’s not a job I’d want! Cheers, Jon.

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    1. They have ‘weather specials’ on BBC News 24. (Yes, I do watch them. 🙂 ) They explain how tecnhical it all is, and how good they are at forecasting now that they have satellite imagery. They like to blow their own trumpets, presumably because they never have to walk a dog in rain that was forecast to be ‘dry’. 🙂
      (I’m quite good at ‘harsh’, on occasion)
      Best wishes, Pete.

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