Mood, And Memories

My mood is still very flat, and I seem to also be overwhelmed by memories at the moment. I’m not sure if they are a result of me searching my mind for something better to think about, or if my brain is bombarding me with them to make me ‘wake up’. Such random snippets of a life, arriving like the carriages of a long train emerging from a distant tunnel.

Holding a rabbit. The fur is soft, and the rabbit’s nose is twitching.
(I have no idea how old I am.)

Standing close to the edge of a cliff, looking down at the waves breaking on the rocks. It is raining.
(Might be Cornwall)

Sitting in a caravan, looking out of the window at other caravans nearby. Watching a family setting up folding sunbeds in the narrow gap between them.
(No idea where)

A very old lady is holding my hand. Her knuckles are hard and bony, the skin as thin as tissue paper. Her hand is very cold.
(Probably an Ambulance Service memory)

Sitting on a hot concrete step, smoking a cigarette. Pigeons are walking toward me, hoping I have something to feed them with.
(Definitely in London)

Looking at palm trees, from a hotel room balcony. The sun is setting behind them, and the air is cool.
(Probably Egypt)

Watching a small gekko (or similar lizard) on a white-painted wall. It looks sideways at me, but doesn’t move.
(Might be Crete)

They just keep on coming. Is it any wonder I cannot concentrate?

I hope it stops soon.
(And why has it changed the text to italics? )

76 thoughts on “Mood, And Memories

  1. Not sure why, but I think the brain looks for comfort, or perhaps is looking for something soothing… I hope things get better soon, Pete. About the italics… WordPress are forever sending links to blog posts and informative sessions, but I can never find the enthusiasm to join in. I’m sure somebody will know… or not. Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Our brains are certainly a mystery! I wander if the past seems less daunting to your brain right now then dwelling on the unknown? The future can appear frightening as we age. Just a thought! One thing that improves with age is our grit. Hang on to that! 💕C

    Liked by 1 person

  3. WP and its quirks but the italics look ok…as for the memories I think it comes with age and as someone commented they are good ones…once you have news about your licence I’m sure they will settle down and you will be back to normal 🙂 x

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I miss the late 80’s Pete. If we were discussing this back then the response would be easy; let’s get a ~1/2 oz of really good coke and head to Cabo or Vegas for 10-15 days.

    It was “The Great Reset” of its day. Especially effective for coming to terms of divorce filings or bachelor’s parties.

    But we are geezers now. That simply won’t do. I don’t miss those days, but I do miss the simplistically of the solutions they provided 🙄 before I actually matured.

    I wish you well in wrestling with it all Pete. I will be praying for you to find peace.

    Cheers

    CT

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks very much, Chris. I never indulged in those hedonistic coke-fuelled days of the late 80s. I was too busy working shifts as an EMT at the time. But I certainly drank a lot of wine back then.
      Best wishes, Pete.

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      1. I never spent a red cent on cocaine either Pete. It is not a good thing. Can’t indulge in THC because it makes me paranoid. Cigars trash my pallet for days. 4 pints in, and I’m a mess.
        But Red wine and Tequila (not at the same time)? I’m there with bells on.

        Have a lovely Sunday Pete.

        Cheers,
        CT

        Like

      2. I never spent a red cent on cocaine either Pete. It is not a good thing. Can’t indulge in THC because it makes me paranoid. Cigars trash my pallet for days. 4 pints in, and I’m a mess.
        But Red wine and Tequila (not at the same time)? I’m there with bells on.

        Have a lovely Sunday Pete.

        Cheers,
        CT

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I have been going through the same thing! I could only recall memories-good ones made me feel “homesick” for simpler times and also, I remembered every awful thing I had ever done. I was quite melancholy. I blamed it on the current state of the world-I blamed it on the changes in the educational system-and at last that it was getting older? I willed myself to do some new things. I made pasta for the first time, baked my bread and at last have been making ice cream. I am pressing flowers for a future craft. I had to make myself gather them! Well, anyway, doing some new things have helped. I hope it can work for you. You know we are all cheering you on-a fan always, Michele

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The mind is beyond our understanding. My daughter can’t believe how many sharp memories I can dredge up, though I have no one left to confirm earliest memories! I haven’t ever been bombarded with them as you have. The generation that fought in WW2 seemed to have vivid war memories return in their old age.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This post looked ‘normal’. Then I pressed ‘publish’ and most of it changed to italics. It only seems to have affected this post though. (So far)
      Best wishes, Pete.

      Like

  7. Oh Pete seems like you need a little vacation, or as people in the UK say, a holiday 🤔. Your brain seems to be on worry overload ever since the ordeal with your license. Sorry your going through all this I am still keeping you in my prayers and sending well wishes your way. 😁

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Pete, as I browse my “reader” list, I see many of my blogging friends have cut back noticeably on posting…some who used to post daily are now once or twice a week, and some have gone of the radar for a week or more… a few seem to have stopped completely. No posting, no likes or comments – it seems that the blogging community I was part of is fading away…

    Liked by 2 people

      1. My point is that so many of them have stopped posting. Nothing to respond to…my “reader” list has the last time something was posted, and several are going on 3 weeks to a month or more.

        Liked by 2 people

  9. (1) Nose twitching was perfected by Elizabeth Montgomery.
    (2) When someone is old, but not “very” old, the skin is only as thin as 2-ply tissue paper.
    (3) Pigeons sometimes perch in my backyard tree. The berries are edible.
    (4) We once had a dove nesting in a backyard palm tree. It was fun to watch the squabs learning how to fly.
    (5) At night, during the summer months, I’ll occasionally spot a gecko on the side of the house or the backyard wall.
    (6) Is the wall in Crete a concrete wall?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not sure about the construction of that Cretan wall, David.
      Thanks for spelling Gecko correctly, I missed that slip up! (No doubt thinking about Michael Douglas at the time…) 🙂
      Best wishes, Pete.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Music often prompts memories for me and I can become very melancholy. Have had to learn to avoid “triggers”. Life changes so much when you leave the work force I think especially when your job involved dealing with people. I have become a complete hermit. Wish I could offer something helpful. It’s hard when there is so much bad news all the time. Best wishes, Pete.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. If nothing else here, Pete.. the replies suggest you are not alone. In spite of the isolations of the pandemic and my mindless job as a security guard to augment my Social Security, I’ve found myself being slowly consumed by memories as well. Oddly, an opportunity did arise that has actually consumed me in the opposite direction for months now. My better-half’s church received some money from the synod to be seed money specifically to stream worship services online. Given my past hobbies included this kind of tech.. I was drafted to put it all together… and perform the weekly production. This has, for now, pushed those other “things” aside. Seems as we age the loss of relevancy and purpose steals away that what we once were.. and memories of lost loved ones, and assigning it “a simpler life”, replace it.. and sometimes it gets a bit scary when we long to be with those gone more than with the living. Find a purpose. Although, far easier said than done.

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    1. Yes, it comes over me now and again. It seems to be more powerful and long-lasting now I am older. No idea why that post (and the sidebar) suddenly changed to italics when I published.
      Best wishes, Pete.

      Liked by 2 people

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