An Alphabet Of My Life: J


There are times in my life when I have been jealous, I admit that.

After my first marriage broke down, I was jealous of the fact that my wife got to remain in the nice house in Wimbledon, that eventually netted her a small fortune when she sold it decades later.

I have sometimes been jealous about younger girlfriends. That was based on my own insecurities about age difference, and believing that they would be attracted to younger men if they went anywhere without me. I suppose that can be considered natural, but it affected at least two relationships, teaching me that jealousy can be destructive and pointless.

On the plus side, I have never been jealous about rich people, or possessions. If someone had a better car than me, or a lot more money, I often thought that they had much more to lose, and would ultimately be less happy than I was.

I was jealous of talent.

Unable to play an instrument, or publish a best-selling book, I felt jealousy when confronted with the likes of David Bowie, or Charles Dickens. What did they have, that I lacked? It took me a long time to discover that I lacked perseverance, determination, and not least talent in those fields.

Luckily, I was never once jealous of privilege, the scourge of British society. They could keep their stately homes, those aristocratic benefits, their private education, their silver spoons and inheritances. It never seemed to make them better people, and certainly did not make them nicer or happier people.

I grew older, and became less and less jealous in time.

Wives had to have their free time with friends, so why be jealous of that? If I trusted them, respected them, married them, then that should be enough to make me happy about what they did when I was not around.

Undeniably, everyone is jealous about something, at some time in their lives. If they deny that, I am sorry to say that they are lying.

But live long enough, and you will be content to discover that jealousy is simply wasted energy.

Then you can relax.

43 thoughts on “An Alphabet Of My Life: J

  1. We certainly become less jealous as we grow older – at least, I’m sure I have, not that I was a particularly jealous person anyway. It was more that I wanted to do things some other people had done, and so focussed on trying to achieve those things. Of course, I might occasionally mutter ‘lucky bastard’ under my breath…

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  2. I’m glad to hear your jealousies have waned with age Pete. I’ve been envious in my life of someones beauty, poise, talent, opportunity, etc. but not so much with my relationships. A few of my male companions displayed a great deal of jealousy and I agree it’s damaging and a waste of time. xxoo, C

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    1. Most of them can’t aford to run it, and have to allow the ‘plebs’ in as paying customers to gawp at it. I would compulsory purchase their land, and build a council estate in their back gardens.
      Cheers, Pete.

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  3. When my parents went to Asia, I went too but my brother remained in England in boarding school. We have been geographically separated ever since. When I was home from my boarding school which was in Vietnam, my mum told me one day not to do something, I’ve forgotten what and I responded “but Peter does.” Mum was cross and told me I was jealous. I don’t know why but I felt as if I had been stabbed in the chest and from that day I vowed that no-one would ever again have reason to call me jealous. I never have been and as you say it is a destructive emotion but sometimes you need to assert yourself. I never do, always assuming everyone else is more important. It’s funny how one small remark can change a life. If I could change things, would I. Probably not. The jealousy word always catches my attention though!

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  4. Pete, I don’t think I’ve ever been jealous or envious. But I’ve felt undervalued.
    What irked me was personalities. I could crack a joke and no one would laugh. Then Fred would walk in, crack the same joke & have them ROFL.
    I was told by a teacher that having a good sounding name got you into the team. I ask people on here, who would you have as goalkeeper – John Smith, Tom Harris or Pedro Savagol. I would say you will all say Pedro. He has got to be an international keeper but his surname sounds good to me.
    My first name just never went with my surname. It was always remembered negatively. Many thought I Italian. This teacher said add an O after your name and you will get selected for those sports teams. My surname is a common English name & the name of the largest hotel chain in the world – But I’m always having to spell it & I can’t use it for Pizza orders.
    Regarding another comment you made Pete. I always in my life felt as though I had to prove myself. That’s why I got into music. That’s why I wrote books. That’s why I became a JP. It puts me on an even keel now when people say “who are you?”.

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