Welcome To The Future: A Guest Post From Gavin Marriott

~ beetleypete

When we click ‘accept cookies’, or open up our lives online for any reason, we can already see some of the implications. Your smartphone is listening to you, and that Alexa in the corner is also recording any product or service you might mention. The webcam on your laptop is watching you, (put some tape over it, really) and the amount of data stored about your life is far greater than you might imagine.

Gavin has sent me this guest post, which highlights where we might all be heading in the not-too distant future.

Gavin of Canterbury
Welcome To The Future

CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialled a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How the hell do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Chemist warehouse, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE: I’m sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

49 thoughts on “Welcome To The Future: A Guest Post From Gavin Marriott”

  1. Pingback: *Press This* Welcome To The Future: A Guest Post From Gavin Marriott #274 | Its good to be crazy Sometimes

  12. Oh my, Pete! There’s so much truth in this pizza order. I’m glad to subscribe to you again. I tried commenting many months back and the “gremlins” (speaking of technology) wouldn’t allow. I’m Karla from Flannel with Faith and I always enjoyed your posts!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

            1. Julie has Google Assistant activated on her phone. If we discuss something we are thinking of buying, she gets Amazon alerts for the identical product in her emails. I keep telling her to turn it off, but she won’t.

              Liked by 1 person

              Reply
  16. Pingback: Ned Hamson's Second Line View of the News

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