Guest Post: Kabuu Wairimu

I was pleased to receive a guest post from WordPress blogger, Kabuu. Here is a link to her site, where you can read more of her writing.


So it’s 8 o’clock in the morning, we are all standing in the school parade ground for the morning assembly. In my school we used to assemble in this certain way, boys form a horizontal line on the right side and then the girls follow completing the left side of the line, each class did this. So I’m looking to the boys side and I can see two of them laughing while pointing at me, it wasn’t that serious but I freaked out. I remember seeing darkness for like seconds, my head was too heavy I was so anxious. I really don’t remember what happened next but that feeling I had comes all the time I’m anxious.

So why were they laughing at me? The previous day something happened. We were off from school my sister and I, we used to live close to the road and our house wasn’t fenced at the time, so every one who passed there including some of our school mates would see us. So, that evening when I was playing at the compound, I fell down and my dress decided to embarrass me, it flew up and my lil booty was out, some of the students saw that and laughed at me, I was so embarrassed I didn’t want to go to school the next day. That’s what led to my anxiety during the assembly. Well this is the first time I experienced anxiety and low-key panic attack. Cause every time I feel anxious around people that’s the feeling that comes to me.

The next time this happened to me I was in high school, we were given a CRE assignment as a group. We were to present it infront of the class so each one of us were given a part to present. That presentation gave my stomach a hard time for almost a week. I’m never anxious when it came to mathematics presentation where I had to solve a question on the board or when it came to telling a joke in front of the class, that was always okay. But this specific presentation ate me up. So the day came, minutes before we stood up to present, my temperature rose up, I had a very slight headache that lasted for some minutes as darkness covered my eyes yet again for some seconds. My hands were too sweaty and I couldn’t stop shaking. There’s something anxiety does to your blood. You feel like it’s boiling all over your body. I tried so hard to hide it from my desk mate, so I cooled myself down and when it came to us presenting, we went infront as everyone did their part. My voice was shaky so I didn’t really do better. But at least that was over. No one ever told me that it was bad, maybe I did good and maybe I wasn’t shaky at all, maybe it was just all in my head. I guess I’ll never know.

So I realized that it’s a problem I’ve got earlier this year, I decided to check on it and see what I can really do to be able to up my confidence level. But sometimes I think I’m confident but my head just chooses to let me down. I decided to recognize situations that give me anxiety, situations like being in a group or doing a presentation, going to the bank or even paying at the cashier or calling certain individuals.

I choose to be present whenever I’m those situations, I focus on what’s going on and choose to believe that it’s all good. Or if it’s a person for example who makes me anxious, I let them know, letting them know makes it less worrying and makes me feel a little bit comfortable. Or think of something nice or someone I’m into, just imagine or remember the best moments i had with them that made me feel so good.

If you’re suffering from anxiety, just recognize that it’s something you sometimes cannot control and it’s okay. Choose to find ways that can make you less anxious in situations that bring the anxious feelings. I’d say avoid those situations, but some things can’t be avoided. I can’t avoid cashing out at a supermarket or school, I just choose to find a solution to my problem. People? Yes very avoidable. I tried meditation for a relief but I’m really bad at concentration lol, 2 minutes into a mediation and I’m already gone, doesn’t mean I won’t stop trying. I love you and we got this kiddo.