Arrangements

What if I die?

I had a disturbed sleep last night. No doubt the coronavirus was on my mind, as I was still thinking about it when I woke up this morning. And about one aspect in particular, what would happen if I was to contract the virus, and die.

Recovery rates in my age group are still low, and if I get the symptoms, there is the possibility that I could be dead within less than a week, perhaps even in just three days. Don’t get me wrong. I am not panicking about it, and not even greatly concerned. If it happens, there’s little I can do to change that.

So should I be planning for that possibility? Making some sort of arrangements, compiling lists, and contacting people I might never see or talk to again? It’s a ‘just in case’ situation, I know, but if I am suddenly struck down, it will be too late then.

One of my friends has my password for WordPress, so should be able to let all my fellow bloggers know I have gone. But what of everything else? All those small ‘administration’ details that never really enter most of our heads.

I don’t have a lot of savings, and the only life insurance I have will pay for my funeral, and leave some change. Julie would have to apply to receive half of my work pensions, and a State widow’s pension. With her part-time job, she might be able to afford to stay on in the house, as it is already paid for. But the regular bills never go down, so there are Council Tax, Water Rates, Electricity, Heating Oil, and regular maintenance to consider. She might well do better to sell up, downsize, and stash a good lump of equity to help in the future.

Then what would she do with my car? It is 13 years old, and expensive to run. She might be able to give it away to one of her family, or sell it for a small amount. Her car is much newer, but has a lot less room for Ollie.

Yes, Ollie is a huge consideration. She will have to change her routine to take him for walks, and cope with him expecting me to come home at any moment.

She doesn’t know the access code for my new PC. Not that she is interested in using it, but even if she gave it away, she would need the code. Perhaps I should write it down for her? And she is never sure what day the bins go out, as I always do that. Should I start a notebook, with all this stuff jotted down? Leave her the contact numbers for the plumber, electrician, and anyone else I usually contact? It seems to me that I should create a ‘Just in case’ notebook, with all sorts of things written down.

Then there is the funeral situation. She already knows that I want a basic funeral, with no religious element. She might even remember the two songs I wanted to be played. But given current conditions, the funeral would be quick, and almost nobody allowed to attend. So maybe that doesn’t need to go in the notebook at all.

The more I think about it, the more small details need to be recorded. Where I keep the key for the electric meter cupboard, how to check the amount of heating oil in the tank, and who to email to order more. When the boiler has to be serviced, where I keep the tiny spare lightbulbs for the bedroom lamps, and so many other silly small things that we take for granted.

Seems to me that dying takes a lot of preparation.

Last weekend, we escaped the Norfolk storms to attend a wedding on the Sussex coast, in Eastbourne. When you are invited to a wedding, it is sometimes a mixed blessing. You want to go, but you have to consider the distance involved, arranging accommodation, getting time off either side of the day, and for us, someone to look after our dog.

This was one wedding we were always going to attend, as it involved good friends from our time in London, and for me, a friend and former colleague that I have known for almost twenty years. We arranged a hotel a long time ago, and Julie got the extra day off. There was the bonus that we could even stay in the same hotel where the wedding was to take place, avoiding any extra travelling. We did have a slight problem with the dog-sitting, as the original person couldn’t do it, due to family dramas. However, we managed to get other friends to take him, where we knew he would be well looked after, and happy too.

A long drive south on a Friday afternoon is always going to be potentially tiresome. After a good start, in decent weather, we hit a ten-mile tailback at the Dartford Crossing, which added over ninety minutes to an already considerable journey. Because of this traffic problem, we didn’t arrive until after 7.30pm, almost two hours after we expected to get there. The hotel was fine though. An old-fashioned, very English establishment, favoured by the older generation. The weather stayed warm and fine, and we met some other guests in the restaurant, catching up after a few years apart.

This was a cross-cultural wedding, with my English friend of Greek extraction marrying a Malaysian lady with a Chinese family background. This added to the enjoyment, with guests arriving from all over the world, and everyone mixing comfortably. It was also not going to be that traditional in style. No Best Man, only one speech, and no over-dressed parade of wedding ‘helpers’. The groom was also the photographer, which led to some interesting situations, although there was a video team, as well as back-up photographers, using cameras set up and supplied by the groom. Just the right number of guests filled the grand room where the civil ceremony took place, and a happy informal atmosphere was constant throughout.

The vows were touching, the registrar casual and relaxed; yet it still managed to be very moving, bringing tears to many an eye. With the bride swept aloft, and carried back through a cloud of confetti, we were able to enjoy the spacious terrace and gardens, in weather that just kept getting better. There were no deadlines, regimentation was absent, and the photo sessions were similarly relaxed, devoid of uncomfortable posing and affectation. Good planning was evident throughout. Appropriate props had been arranged; lovely coloured parasols to reflect the Chinese aspect of the day, and fun glasses for both children and adults to enjoy. The group of children did not have to restrict themselves to behaving correctly in a formal dining room, and were able to play freely around the grounds. As a result, there were none of the usual tantrums and fits that can often spoil proceedings.

When we went back inside for the meal, tradition was broken once more. The groom made his short speech immediately, and then the cake was cut, before the food was served. We all thought that this was a great deviation from the norm, getting all the formalities done at the outset. The food was unusually good for a wedding feast. Each course was delicious, served promptly, and piping hot too. Even better, there were natural pauses between courses, giving us time to relax, cool down on the terrace, and chat to the others around our table. An inspired theme, was to have a film quiz between courses, with each table getting a question on a specific film, and a prize for whoever answered.

The highlight of the mealtime, was the sudden appearance of a uniformed waiter, and two young waitresses. They announced that they were ‘singing waiters’, and delivered classic songs, in very good voices. They cajoled tables to clap and dance in turn, and soon the whole assembly was singing along. It took some time for many of us to realise that their presence had actually been arranged, and that they were a professional group, and not hotel staff at all. This deception made it even more enjoyable. They returned later, dressed as the girls from Abba, and got the whole room moving, with a medley of favourites from the Swedish legends. This was a massive ice-breaker, and great fun for all ages. A fabulous idea for wedding entertainment.

When the meal was over, and coffee had been served, many of us chose to retire to the terrace, to escape the heat of the function room. Some sat on the tables there (us included), others took to the benches around the putting green, watching the children play excitedly. We bought drinks from the bar, but nobody had too much to drink. The day had been paced with care and precision, and everyone was happy, and feeling mellow. There were good spirits in abundance, old friends catching up, and new friends to be discovered. Rarely has a wedding been this good.

As it got later, some guests drifted off to bed, though some of us remained on the terrace until after midnight. Every single person commented on what a great day it had been, and how much they had enjoyed every aspect of it. We exchanged e mail addresses, and arranged to meet after breakfast, or to catch up again soon. We took our leave of others, sure in the hope that we might meet again, in the not too distant future.

So, Antony and Natalie. Thanks are due for putting together such a wonderful occasion. We send our love, and wish you both a long and happy life together, as man and wife.