Life’s Golden Rules

If you cannot find your reading glasses, they are usually on top of your head.

Just as you get into a nice warm bath, someone will ring the doorbell.

The keys you have been looking everywhere for are still hanging in the front door.

After waiting in for a parcel delivery, as soon as you have to go out, it will arrive. You come home to find a card that says “Sorry we missed you”.

If the sign on a multi-story car park says ‘Spaces Available’, you will drive around every level to discover that some people have parked across two spaces. So you have to drive out again, and find somewhere else to park.

If you are talking to someone on your landline telephone, somebody else will ring your mobile because your phone is engaged.

 

 

 

 

Queen Boudica And The Iceni

Where I live now in the county of Norfolk, eastern England, was once home to a tribal people called the Iceni. They extended south into modern-day Suffolk, and west as far as what we now call Cambridgeshire. They were one of the original Brittonic peoples.

At the time of the Roman Invasion, they had been well-established and powerful since the early Iron Age. They had a social structure, a royal hierachy, and issued coinage that could be used in the territory they controlled.

Most lived in fortified villages, in large houses made of rendered mud with thatched roofs. (Replica of an Iceni village)

After the Roman conquest was completed by Emperor Claudius in AD43, the Iceni allied with the invaders, and that decision allowed them to expand, as well as becoming wealthier and more influential. However, the Romans constantly sought to integrate the Iceni into Roman society, and after the death of her husband in AD60, the new Queen of the Iceni, Boudica, began a revolt against the Roman occupiers. For over a year, her large army of over 30,000 untrained warriors, led by her riding in a chariot, defeated many Roman armies sent against it, and managed to travel south as far as the Roman city of Londinium, (London) which was looted and burned.

On the way to London, her army attacked the Roman city of Camulodonum (modern day Colchester) killing every single person inside, then went on to defeat a Roman force of 2,000 professional soldiers of the 9th legion that had just arrived outside that city.

Once in Londinium, the Iceni spared nobody in the Romanized capital. Contemporary reports put the death toll at close to 70,000 soldiers and citizens. Things were looking so bad for the Romans, the Emperor seriously considered abandoning Britain entirely, and returning all his soldiers and citizens to Rome.

However, Roman General Gaius Suetonius Paulinus returned with his army from a campaign in Wales, determined to crush the Iceni rebellion. Joined by other British tribes, Boudica took an army estimated to be almost 80,000 strong, and set off to meet the approaching Romans. Somewhere in modern-day Shropshire, on the old Roman road named Watling Street, the armies clashed in AD61.

Despite his force being heavily outnumbered, Suetonius had 10,000 well trained and battle-hardened soldiers under his command who could be relied upon to fight in formation, and obey every order.

By contrast, Boudica’s huge force was relatively untrained, poorly equipped, and had just travelled a long way on foot, living off the land. They attacked the Roman army in a disorganised fashion, and were easliy beaten, with most of their number being killed. It was said that Boudica took poison when she realised they would be defeated, rather than face capture, and the shame of slavery.

Boudica (also called Boadicea) is commemorated by this statue, on the north side of Westminster Bridge in London.

She is known to history as ‘The Warrior Queen’ of England.

Tales of a Polish Woman – from the History archive

Frank has brought us the thrilling wartime story of an incredibly brave woman. Great reading!

toritto

Christine Granville, nee Krystyna Skarbek, O.B.E., GM, Croix de Guerre, died tragically on June 15, 1952. She was a Special Operations Executive Agent during the war, celebrated for her daring and resourcefulness in intelligence and irregular warfare in Nazi occupied Poland and France. She was one of the longest serving of Britain’s wartime agents and was decorated by the King after the war.  In 1941 she began using the nom de guerre Christine Granville and adopted it with her naturalization as a British citizen in February 1947. She was 37 years old when she died.

Krystyna Skarbek, “Vesper” to her father, was born in 1908. the second child of Count Jerzy Skarbek and Stephania Goldfeder, the daughter of a wealthy Jewish banker. The Skarbeks had influenced Polish history for a thousand years, saving the country from medieval invaders and serving its royal courts’ “Krystyna inherited the self‐assuredness, patriotism and fearlessness…

View original post 1,534 more words

The World’s Oldest Continually Inhabited Buldings

Thanks to an online feature, I discovered these fascinating historical buildings that are all still inhabited today.

Iran. People have lived in these for at least 800 years.

France. Lived in since the 13th Century.

Yemen. Exact date unknown.

Near Jericho, Palestine. Still occupied, since 480 AD.

Iran again. 3,000 years old.

Matera, Italy. Lived in for almost 9,000 years.

New Mexico, USA. Dating from 1180 AD.

The Faroe Islands. This large house has been lived in by the same family since the 11th Century.

They were all obviously built to last!

Bloggin’ J.C. (3)

So I was heading for Jerusalem one Sunday. That was a big ville at the time, the biggest, and I reckoned I could do some heavy influencing, and get a lot more followers. I sent a couple of my crew ahead to get a donkey for me to ride in on. Let’s face it, a big warhorse or a chariot would have got me a bad rep.

Well I gotta tell ya, they came back with the scrawniest-looking donkey I had ever seen. When I sat on the thing, I had to lift my legs up to stop my sandals scraping on the dirt. That old donkey walked so slow, it was like we were standing still. But as I went through the city gates, the crowd were pleased to see me on such a humble ride, just as I guessed they would be.

In fact they were so pleased to see me, they threw palm fronds in my path. I was worried that my sad little steed might slip on one, but he got me through. After some speechifying, I was getting kinda hungry. I told the guys to rustle up some grub, and gave a nod to the worn-out donkey, accompanied by a knowing wink.

They got the message, and we were soon eating a tasty meat stew with some nice flatbread to wipe up the gravy.

It may not have been much of nag to ride on, but that donkey sure made good eating.

Back soon. Peace and love y’all.

Bloggin’ J.C. (2)

So I was hanging out in Cana, some tiny dustbowl town in the Galilee district. I got myself invited to a wedding, along with my bad-boy crew, Disciples Unlimited. Why not? Free food, plenty to drink, and the chance of a dance with a sultry maiden. (And maybe more? Wink-wink!) I accepted, of course!

As usual, I could see a way to make some money out of this event, and to boost my street cred into the bargain. As anyone knows, the wine soons runs out at weddings, especially when it is free to guests. So I got my pal John to secrete some amphoras of good Cyrpus wine under the covered table, just in case.

It wasn’t long before Mary, my mom, suggests that I could help out with the impending wine shortage. By that time, we were down to drinking water, and that was putting a real downer on the festivities.

So I gave mom a wink, and waved my signal to John. Then I sashayed over to the table, real casual like, covering John as he exchanged the water amphoras for those containing wine. I said some holy stuff, I forget now exactly what, and the wedding guests stood around gaping, their mouths like fresh-landed fish from the nearby Sea of Galilee. I motioned to the servants to fill the clay pots with water, but as they were already almost full to the brim with that Cypriot good stuff, they only took around a cup of water in each.

Then I raised my hands, winked at my mom and John, before telling the guests to help themselves to more of the good stuff. I had changed that water into wine. ( 🙂 )

Everyone was completely drunk by the end of the festivities, and some said that the groom as too far gone to do his nuptial duties, but I cannot confirm that.

On the plus side, the bride’s dad gave me a bag of silver talents for my trouble. Of course, I had to split it with mom and John, but I only gave them twenty-five percent each.

To be honest, I wish I could have played that scam at a lot more weddings!

Peace and love.

Back soon, my fellow bloggers. Stay righteous!

Bloggin’ J.C.

Here’s a good one for ya.

Back in the day in Jerusalem, my old pal Lazarus and me came up with a cool idea. He was going to pretend to be dead, and I would bring him back to life. His sister Martha was up for the joke and agreed to play her part, so we worked out the plan over a few cups of wine.

On the day, I wept and wailed as they placed Lazzy in the tomb, wrapped in some new burial cloths. As some people helped me roll the big stone across the entrance to the tomb, they couldn’t see that inside there was enough food and drink for four days, and a fresh-killed goat.

So four days later, trying to keep a straight face, I went to the tomb with Martha and a crowd. I raised my head to the skies and pretended to plea for Lazzy to be brought back to life. Martha acted indignantly. “But smell that, he’s been there for four days. No way can he come back to life”. We both knew the goat had gone bad, and Lazzy had covered his burial cloths in the muck. So I made a big deal of them rolling the stone away, and lo and behold, that good guy Lazarus came wandering out in the filthy burial cloths, much to the amazement of everyone crowded around.

I tell ya, those Penn and Teller guys ain’t got nothing on me.

Catch you later, fellow bloggers.

What They Say. What They Do

Harry Windsor. (Formerly Prince Harry) On Climate Change

‘What if every single one of us was a raindrop?’: Prince Harry asks ‘what’s the point of bringing children into the world if it’s on fire’ but says we can beat climate change by ‘relieving the parched ground’.

“The climate change emergency is a race that we are losing. The world has seen unprecedented temperatures, unrelenting storms, and undeniable science.”

Flew with his wife from the USA to the UK and back on a private jet with a bigger carbon footprint than any commercial aircraft, at a cost estimated to be £320,000. Just to attend the Platinum Jubilee celebrations.

Dame Emma Thompson, actor. (Or’luvvie’)

“Britain is racist for not taking in more refugees”.

“Young climate change activists have “made me feel so ashamed that we have let them down to such a degree”. She urged world leaders to follow young people’s example, to “face facts” and accept we are now “inside climate change”.

Emma Thompson became an Italian citizen after Brexit. She now has a house in Venice, and flies regularly between Italy, the UK, and America. Her carbon footprint knows no bounds.
First Class seat of course, so she doesn’t have to sit amongst those other passengers that she considers to be below her greatness.
Here’s an idea for you, Emma. Give back the Damehood bestowed on you by a country that you no longer want to be a part of. Then talk to Italians instead, seeing as you are Italian now. Oh, but I see the problem here. Half of them don’t know who you are, and the rest don’t care about the patronising and entitled rubbish that comes out of your mouth.

Boris Johnson. The Prime Minster of Britain. His record since 2019 speaks for itself.

(Hilary Clinton)
“She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.”

(Barack Obama)
“The part-Kenyan president has an ancestral dislike of the British empire – of which Churchill had been such a fervent defender.”

(Muslim Clothing)
“If you say that it is weird and bullying to expect women to cover their faces, then I totally agree – and I would add that I can find no scriptural authority for the practice in the Koran. “I would go further and say that it is absolutely ridiculous that people should choose to go around looking like letter boxes.”

(Talking about the EU)
“We cannot turn our backs on Europe. We are part of Europe”.

(Political promises)
“It is easy to make promises – it is hard work to keep them”.

(President Erdowan of Turkey)
“There was a young fellow from Ankara
Who was a terrific wankerer.
Till he sowed his wild oats
With the help of a goat
But he didn’t even stop to thankera”.

(Women attending university in Malaysia)
“Female students went to university because they have got to find men to marry”.

(Tony Blair and the Commonwealth)
“What a relief it must be for Blair to get out of England. It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies”.

(Single parent mothers and their children)
“Outrageous that married couples should pay for ‘the single mothers’ desire to procreate independently of men. Ill-raised, ignorant, aggressive and illegitimate children who in theory will be paying for our pensions”.

Boris Johnson has seven children in total – from three different women, including his former wife Marina Wheeler.

Historical Norfolk In Photos

Closer to home for me these days, some great history can be seen in the county that contains Beetley.

Kings Lynn.
During the 14th century, this West Norfolk town was the most important port in all of England. Some of the historic dockside has been resored.

Central Norwich.
The old part of the city has remained the same since the Elizabethan age. These photos are modern, it still looks the same today.

Bickling Hall.
The stately home where Anne Boleyn was born in 1501. The house as it is shown here was mainly built in 1616, by Sir Henry Hobart. It is now managed by The National Trust, and open to visitors.

Oxburgh Hall.
A moated country house, built by in 1482 by Sir Edmund Bedingfield, and later crenellated. He was a supporter of the Yorkists during the Wars of The Roses. Now managed by The National Trust, and open to visitors.

St Benet’s Abbey.
Close to the east coast near Great Yarmouth, this dates from 1022, at the time of King Harold Godwinson who was killed in 1066 at The Battle of Hastings. Sir John Fastoff (Shakespeare’s Falstaff) was buried here.

London’s Smallest Pubs

If you ever find yourself in London in need of an alcoholic drink, it might be something different to have that beverage in one of the smallest pubs the city has to offer.

The Coach and Horses. Bruton Street, W1. Mayfair.

The Dove, Upper Mall, W4. Chiswick, next to the River Thames.

The Euston Tap, Euston Station, NW1.

The Rake, Borough Market, SE1. Just south of London Bridge.

The Cask and Glass, Palace Street, SW1. Victoria.

CHEERS!