A message from Ollie

~ beetleypete

DSCF1450

My dating profile photo.

OK, just because we can’t talk, does not mean that we cannot learn the basics of how to work a computer, and publish a blog post. After all, I have watched countless hours of Pete doing this, so it can’t be that hard. It is a bit tricky with paws, I will admit, but if you are careful with your nails, it is not impossible. The mouse is a lot easier, as my right paw covers that completely.

You will know a bit about me, if you read this blog. I am Pete and Julie’s dog, Ollie the Shar-Pei. The truth is, I am a bit lonely, and would like to have some female company. I thought that I would use this blog as a platform to advertise myself. If you are regular readers, you already know a lot about my life. It is a comforting routine, and Pete and Julie are pretty good owners, I can tell you. I am not expected to do a lot, and I get well-fed, and decent treatment at all times.

Every day I get a nice long walk, with the chance to catch up with my gang of friends. Sometimes, I get to go out in my car, though I don’t like it if we end up at the Vet Man’s house, as he pokes and prods, and sometimes, I have to sleep there. I have a good dinner every day, lots of treats, and plenty of sleep. I have two beds in the house, one in the living room, and my main bed in the kitchen. I prefer the kitchen bed, where I sleep when it is dark. I like to have a regular dip in the river, but I am less happy about going to the Grooming Lady, as she makes me smell funny.

Anyway, I digress. I have been on doggydating.co.uk  and so far, I have had no luck. There are not many Shar-Pei dogs around it seems, so I am a little concerned about finding a girlfriend. I want everyone here to pass my profile to all their friends, so that I can find someone to have little Ollies with. Here is my up-to-date profile. Please do your best to let everyone know that I am lonely, and need a mate.

Breed: Chinese Shar-Pei. (There is a bit of Chocolate Labrador in there somewhere, but that just gives me a nice coat)

Colour: A fetching brown.

Age: 33 Months. (Mature)

Distinguishing Features: Wrinkled brow, droopy jowls, muscular build, curly tail.

Eyes: Brown.

Tongue: Partly Black. (it’s a breed thing)

Likes: Sleeping. (Currently managing about 17 hours a day) Sniffing and peeing. (There are few areas of Beetley where my scent is unknown.) Hanging out with my mates. (There are at least eight other dogs in my gang, and I am the ‘big boss’.) Going out in my car. (Unless it is to the Vet Man- see above.) Chasing rabbits and squirrels. (Admittedly without much luck so far.) Having a dip in the river. (Not swimming though, that’s not cool. ) Eating dinner and treats. (My time is around 6 pm, if you would like to join me.) Chewing soft toys. ( I have at least fifty, and I don’t destroy them.) Guests. (Nothing nicer than an unexpected arrival to make a fuss of you.)

Dislikes: Catching a ball. (I just can’t catch. It’s a jowl thing…) Traffic. (It’s the noise -terrifying…) Missing out on treats. (Who wants to miss out?) Being left alone. (I’m just not used to it, but I do behave.) Resting. (Pete says he is ‘resting’ when I want to play. I don’t like ‘resting’.)

So, there you have it. If you know a suitable Shar-Pei bitch who needs a beau, please forward my details. I can be reached at my own website; OliverCromwellJohnson @ dogblog.co.uk or via a sneaky message on this blog. Thanks in anticipation. Ollie.

32 thoughts on “A message from Ollie”

  5. Ha! Brilliant! Ollie is such a gentleman. And so handsome. Perhaps he could step outside his Shar-Pei lineage like Lady did with Tramp. They had gloriously beautiful pups and one really cute one that looked like Tramp. I know I’m overstepping my bounds with this suggestion. Ollie’s royalty and bloodlines are important. I guess it’s just the Yankee in me.
    Cheers,
    Pam

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  7. Your piece reminds me of something I wrote not too long ago out my dogs, Jake and Lulu. I toyed with setting a dating profile up for them, but since they are both already in love with the UPS delivery driver, I guess it is already too late.

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  10. Completely off course here so apologies but I was just wondering if you knew if any specialist Shar-pei vets in the Norfolk area?

    Our handsome little man is having a terrible time itching lately and the vets unfortunately don’t seem as concerned as we are!!

    Sorry to intrude on your comments line Ollie!…. What a fine looking man you are! Hope you get your girl!

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  11. You are such a clever dog! Surely you should include your computer skills in your CV? I have read blogs by cats, but you are the first dog that I have come across on WP. And I’m glad that you still have a tail to wag. After your ordeal last year, (or was it earlier this year?) I wasn’t sure you still had a tail. Time passes so quickly when you are mature. You’ll find that out. It’s why Pete has to rest. 😛

    I’m afraid I can’t help you with the lady friend, but I will keep a look-out on my travels. Are you looking for a lasting relationship or is this an investment? I have heard that Shar-Pei puppies command a high price! A lot of dogs are finding love with poodles these days, you must have come across a Labradoodle or Cockerpoo in your gang? So how about a Sharpoo? Or is that too much like Shampoo? Or perhaps a Poopei?

    Or a sheep? We have lots of sheep around here… 😉

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    1. I have seen sheep near here. They are quite big, and smell bad. I would like to meet a lady Sharpei for ‘adult fun’, and maybe to leave a legacy behind. I am not about to make any commitments that would mean I would leave the cosy conditions I live in at the moment. I have never seen a Sharpoo, but there are lots of cockerpoos here. They are cute and curly, but a bit silly.
      My tail doesn’t look too bad. Since the attack last December, the fur has grown back, and only a small section was cut off. It is still nice and curly.
      Thanks very much for your interest, it is much appreciated.
      Best wishes from Ollie. x.

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  13. Ollie, I’m not a Shar-Pei. I’m a Sharpie. Is that close enough? I was made in China (coincidentally, about 33 months ago), and spend most of my time sleeping in the kitchen drawer. I like it when David takes me out. He trusts me to always do the write thing. I like to chase fibers, and, at least on paper, I do have a few curl friends. But mark my word, it’s strictly innocent. I just wanted to point that out, because I have an inkling that you feel this is out of line. I can assure you that given a choice in life, I always opt for the mail. I also want Pete to know that I’m easy to handle, and that I come with papers. Which reminds me that I once cozied up with a Paper Mate, and it felt right, but his hearts just weren’t in the right place. Sadly, our relationship reminded me of a previous Bic disappointment. Anyway, Ollie, I’m still available. And, hey, I don’t want to brag, but I really am one fine Sharpie!

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    1. It took me a while to work this one out David, and I eventually had to ask Pete to explain it. He told me that it was a complex and clever ‘play on words’, whatever that is.
      Thanks anyway, Ollie. (A Coyote will do, if she’s friendly…)

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  14. Sorry, Ollie. I’d like to help but have never known a Shar-Pei except for you and that’s at a great distance. Your resume is great and you seem to be a delightful and handsome canine. If I hear of a female Shar-Pei who needs a beau, I’d certainly recommend you highly. Best of luck to you in your search. GG

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