The Symptoms Supermarket

~ beetleypete

I haven’t published a post for some time now, as you may (or may not) have noticed. Other than commenting on other people’s blogs, and keeping up with emails, I have not written anything for six days. There is a reason, though I hesitate to tell you what it is. I have been unwell again. I seem to have written a lot about being unwell lately, and I am sure that you are all getting a little tired of reading about my medical problems. I know that I am. As soon as the debilitating vertigo took itself off for a spring break, I felt reinvigorated. Helped by a change in the weather to warm sunny days, I was convinced that April was going to herald a blog-fest of enjoyable walks, photo opportunities, and happier news from Beetley.

My body had other ideas.

During a feverish and sleepless night this week, my imagination supplied me with a possible scenario. I envisioned a huge superstore, where bodies go (without the knowledge of their owners) to choose what to inflict upon us next. Alerted to the latest offers, two-for-one deals, and seasonal ‘must-haves’, they wander the aisles, wondering what to drop into their metaphorical baskets. I expect that my own body made such a trip soon after the vertigo disappeared. First off, it would have joined the queue at the customer service desk, clutching a folded receipt. Of course it was expecting a refund, at least a partial one anyway. The vertigo had been promised to last at least a year, possibly a lifetime, but had only managed to hang around for six weeks. Not good enough, and not as sold. Once that argument was over, a stroll around the Spring Specials provided everything needed to lay me flat, just when the weather was better.

Heavy Cold?
I’ll take one, please. Full strength, if you have it.
Add an irritating cough at half price?
Done.
How about some ‘flu symptoms too? Aching legs and arms, gruff voice, and trouble clearing the throat?
Who could turn those down?
At the end of the rows are those tempting specials, the racks turned the other way, to catch your attention.
Runny nose that won’t stop?
Have to have that, and in ‘Extra-Annoying’ too.
Occasional nose-bleed, guaranteed to alarm and embarrass in equal measure?
In the basket.
What about something that only gets progressively worse, despite all the tablets and cough-syrup?
That’s for me!
If that’s not enough, there’s a real offer over in the ‘Blocked Heads’ department. A head that feels like it is full of loft insulation. In ‘Difficult to shift’ option perhaps?
Two of those, please. I will be needing a spare, just in case.
And how about something to combine them all at night, just to make sleep impossible?
Now you are talking my language.

So when you next wonder where it is all coming from, how your body is able to assault you constantly with all manner of illnesses and conditions, you have your answer. The Symptoms Supermarket.

28 thoughts on “The Symptoms Supermarket”

  1. Get well soon but thanks for the cheer up with your Supermarket, we are all suffering as well but it certainly gives us a laugh knowing we are not alone.

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  4. The description is very funny, the symptoms not so much. Let’s hope the supermarket goes under (mind you, I’m sure an on-line retailer might take it over)…. Take care. Thinking of you

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  5. Oh Boy! That supermarket is long overdue for demolition, Pete. Your symptoms sound horrendous. Hope you didn’t have to pay through the nose at the checkout. Get well soon. That’s an order! 😉

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  6. Pingback: First Night Design | Get Well Soon @BeetleyPete! | First Night Design

  7. My normal response would be ‘soft southerner’ but it was funny:) I hope you get well soon Pete and forget about popping down the local jungle for pain relief, the parrots ate them all (sorry) 🙂

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  8. Pete, this has to be one of your most imaginative and amusing blog entries! Very cleverly done!

    I hope your body has also been to the Phenomenal Pharmacy. If not, I advise you to arrive early. There’s usually a phrenzy of activity there—at least according to Enza, an estranged friend of mine. He should know. He goes there quite often. As for me, I try to avoid the place. But the last time I did stop by—wouldn’t you know it?—I ran into him! I was just there standing in line, and suddenly…in flew Enza!

    Get well soon, Pete!

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  12. Sorry to hear about it Pete. We are all growing older and those aches and pains which slowly creep into our bones are sometimes so annoying too but they are inevitable. Hope you are doing okay now.

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      1. Take a rest. We were busy gardening but having Nate around yesterday to enjoy picking Calamansi (Philippine lime) was a bonus. He was so thrilled seeing the jackfruits practically growing from the ground.

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  13. My body knows exactly where that Supermarket is !!! Hope they close-down your local store soon and give you a break! But I must say – you continue to keep us laughing even in the face of illness, Pete. You are one of a kind!

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