U=Unhappy
Unhappy is a word that I (and others) use frequently to easily describe so many things.
I can be unhappy if it is raining when I want to do something ouside.
I can be unhappy if they cancel a TV series that I really enjoyed.
I can be unhappy if a shop has sold out of the type of bread I want to buy.
But on reflection, this is not being unhappy. That is something much more serious.
Have I been unhappy at stages in my life, really unhappy?
Yes I have. Or have I? I at least thought I was.
I was desperately unhappy for my mum when my dad left, and she had to sell her beloved house in the suburbs. I could see the pain on her face, and hear the heartbreak in her voice. But I was not unhappy to see my dad go, I was being unhappy for someone else.
When my first marriage broke up, I was genuinely unhappy. I felt bad that I had failed as a husband, and discovered loneliness sitting on my own in a new small house. At the time, I dealt with that by using denial, and felt sure we would get back together.
Some years later, I was divorced again, and living in a rented flat a long way from the parts of London that I knew well. Coming home after an exhausting shift on the ambulances, I had nobody to talk to, and sat in that cold, damp flat feeling very unhappy. I dealt with that the second time by drinking a great deal of red wine, and seeking oblivion.
I had to rethink though. Was I genuinely unhappy, or was I just feeling sorry for myself? Was ‘unhappy’ just a convenient word for a different feeling?
Now with the accrued life knowledge of 70 years, I have come to a conclusion. I have been unhappy for others, which is probably better called sympathy or empathy, depending on the circumstances. I have been miffed about something, fed up with something else, and have definitely felt sorry for myself on numerous occasions.
The good news though is that I have never been truly unhappy.
Hi Pete, it is good that you are able to assess your life and see that you’ve never been truly unhappy for extended periods of time. Neither have I. I’ve been very anxious and worried, but not unhappy.
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I am so happy to hear that, Robbie.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I’ve had periods of unhappiness, it is usually a situation where the thing I want most is not happening. So I guess you could say I create my own unhappiness. If I can’t acquire what I want then maybe I need to find something else to want? Interesting subject. I have to think about this a little more. Hugs, C
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That sounds more like frustration than unhappiness, Cheryl. The more I think about it, the more I realise that we use ‘Unhappy’ in too many situations.
Best wishes, Pete. x
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Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Interesting sequence of events to label “unhappy.” Warmest regards, Ed
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I was wrongly attributing unhappiness to minor annoyances, Ed.
Best wishes, Pete.
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With age comes reflection and wisdom, and seeing things with a different/better lens. Nice post, Pete.
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Thanks, Jennie. Just a shame it took me so long to work it out.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I think it takes most of us a long time. Best to you, Pete.
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This one got me thinking. My quickfire answer if asked if I’ve ever been unhappy would be, ‘of course…haven’t we all?’. But on reflection I have been unsettled, disgruntled, mildly irritated. Probably never really unhappy in myself. I do think modern life has sold us an expectation that life should be happy, positive and empowering at all times. Sometimes we must be happy with hum drum, I think!
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Humdrum and routine can be good, if you remind yourself how much worse life could be.
Thanks, Helen.
Best wishes, Pete.
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That last sentence really does say it all, Pete. I am sure in many moments during my life I was fully convinced I could never be any more unhappy. But with my life experience, looking back now the times where I was truly unhappy were few.
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I think we should change the word in those circumstances. ‘Disappointed’ would be more appropriate.
Best wishes, Pete.
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and the cycle goes around Pete. Its when others get their happiness from making you unhappy.
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Yes, that has happened too.
Best wishes, Pete.
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You were seeking Oblivion before the film was released in 2013. Had you cruised a little longer through life, it would have been easy to seek and find (and later buy). (I hope you are not unhappy with this revelation.)
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Well done with that film reference, David!
Best wishes, Pete.
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I am too old for unhappiest….so I fight it every day…..a smile is very soothing and healthful chuq
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Thanks, chuq. Smiling is good, and so is having a great dog.
Best wishes, Pete.
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Yep MoMo reminds me everyday that I need to relish the day. chuq
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Your last sentence is words to live by, Pete.
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Thanks, Don. It took me a long time to reach that conclusion, but it was worth knowing.
Best wishes, Pete.
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I think one can debate the meaning of the word and it will be different for everyone. When I compare my life to other people’s I ask ‘how can I be unhappy?’ Like you I have often been unhappy for other people. I always wanted to fix things for them but so often all you can do is sympathise or offer a shoulder to cry on.
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It is one of those words that describe something quite serious, but get dragged into common usage and attached to things that are insignificant.
(Like ‘Awesome’, which is the most annoying example for me.)
Best wishes, Pete.
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Yes that gets my hackles up. Years ago it was “fabulous” or “fab” which was worse.
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I had to think about this one Pete. What exactly does unhappy actually mean? One definition is : “not feeling pleasure or satisfaction” so I guess there have been plenty of times in my life where that has been true. A poor meal. A bad day at work. Disappointment with something or someone. Mostly fleeting moments. I suppose if one is constantly unhappy about a situation then you’ve got to do something about it to turn things around. Not always easy to do though.
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I think we should make more use of ‘disappointed’. Unhappy should be reserved for something more serious, in my experience. Thanks, Jude.
Best wishes, Pete. x
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I agree Pete. Feeling unhappy can result in misery if endured for a long time. I know that. Disappointed is much more appropriate for a lot of things that are really not that serious.
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I’ve been unhappy several times in my life, but I made the decisions to remove myself from the sources of my unhappiness.
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The wise thing to do, Liz.
Best wishes, Pete.
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You are quite a thinker and this post caused me to think, too. My heart wept for your mum and all she must have felt losing the house and a husband. Now on a side note . . .you could have said “umbrella”! ha! best always-Michele
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I did think of umbrella, as I use one so often. But given how much I complain about the rain, it might have seemed too obvious.. 🙂
Best wishes, Pete. x
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Luckily I have not often been unhappy. Nice to be reminded of that.
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Pleased to hear that, Peggy.
Best wishes, Pete.
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We can’t live as long as we have without being unhappy at some point or other. However, I am an eternal optimist, and so do not stay unhappy for long.
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Glad to hear that, Stevie.
(I sent you an email about blog comments)
Best wishes, Pete.
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Thanks Pete. Yes, it was in my ‘trash’ folder for some unknown reason.
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I think I have only been truly unhappy a couple of times in my life it is amazing what we discover about ourselves as we look back 🙂 x
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Hindsight can often be very comforting, Carol.
Best wishes, Pete. x
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It most certainly can. Pete xx
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I have been unhappy for real a couple of times, a long time ago though and now it doesn’t matter. 😊
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Sorry to hear that, but glad it no longer matters.
Best wishes, Pete.
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a great conclusion to come to
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It took almost a lifetime, but it was worth discovering.
Best wishes, Pete.
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Difficult though it might be to accept, I think what you describe is very much part of the human condition, and without it, we would never learn how to progress. At least, that’s how I like to look at it 🙂 Cheers, Jon.
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That’s a good way to look at it, Jon.
Best wishes, Pete.
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